and two video iPods loaded withLittle Einsteins shows。 In her other hand； she was holding a
massive navy…and…cream striped Smith & Hawken umbrella that Ms。 Morgan had insisted she
bring along。
？I said；slow down！ ？ Vanessa cried again； as the bobbing duo disappeared behind the dune ahead。
She was on the verge of screaming her sweaty head off when she decided she really didn？t
care。Whatever。 Go ahead。 Drown。 Get kidnapped。 Fuck if I care。 It would be a blessing。 The truth
was； the twins probably knew the beach as well as they knew their local Central Park playground。
It was she who was lost。
She finally reached the crest of the hill and surveyed the scene： Nils and Edgar had vanished into
the thicket of bodies crowding the beach； which didn？t seem to have one bit of sand available。
Tripping in her black All Stars？she？d pulled the laces out and wrongly assumed they？d be every
bit as fortable as flip…flops？Vanessa wove through the maze of blankets； folding chairs； and
blond； bronzed twentysome…things with the pale kids they were obviously babysitting。 She had
exhausted her last reserve of muscle power when she happened upon a four…foot…square patch of
beach。Thank God。 She dropped the overstuffed bag and heavy canvas umbrella onto the burning
hot sand； then plopped down。
？Just a lovely day at the beach；？ she muttered to herself； perfectly mimicking Ms。 Morgan？s
dulcet accent as she dug around in the basket for a blanket； which she half…heartedly spread out in
front of her without even standing up。 The tote had fallen onto its side but Vanessa didn？t bother
trying to stuff all the contents back into it。Stupid； stupid； stupid； she scolded herself as she realized
she？d neglected to bring anything for herself to do。 What she？d give to be back in Manhattan；
sitting in the cool dark of the Film Forum； watching the latest Todd Solondz movie。 Instead she
was sitting in the sand； the hot sun beating down on her； with nothing to do but pick the stubborn
dried snot globs out of the inside of the twins？ tiny nostrils or read the latest issue ofHighlights。
Reading the labels on the sunblock would actually be more fun。
Vanessa scanned the scene； searching for a flash of the twins？ blue or red swim trunks。 A few
brave nannies waded into the frigid Atlantic surf with the kids they were babysitting； gritting their
teeth but laughing。 She saw two little boys in swimsuits identical to Nils？s and Edgar？s and
wondered momentarily if anyone at the James…Morgan household would even notice if she
brought them home instead。
She？d been in the Hamptons for less than a day； but it was long enough to tell that Ms。 Morgan
was even less interested than usual in the boys； and that Mr。 James Grossman？s single check…in
phone call was pretty much the daily norm。 It was like they were all a bunch of windup robots
programmed to perform their own tasks with zero genuine interaction with or feelings about
anyone else。 Not that Vanessa was a mush； but e on。
It was just eleven in the morning； and the beach belonged to kids and their caretakers。 Vanessa
studied her peers； the army of au pairs； wondering if maybe she？d strike up a friendship。 Did the
rest of these babysitters have bosses who undressed in front of them？ She imagined the Hamptons
must be filled with people like Ms。 Morgan； and she wouldn？t mind having someone to s
bizarre employer stories with。 But looking around； it didn？t seem too likely that any of these lithe
creatures； with their perfect tans； over…size sunglasses； and manicured nails； would want to have
anything to do with her。 Or vice versa。 Basically； it was like being back at Constance Billard； the
school that had tormented her for the last three years。
Vanessa stared out at the endless ocean； suddenly fighting the urge to cry。 She kicked her
sneakers off and crossed her legs； looking in the mess of things around her for some…thing to drink。
She found a tiny box of apple juice and opened the cellophane…wrapped straw； stabbing it into the
little hole in the box angrily。
？There you are！？ Nils skipped toward her across the sand； taking a shortcut over their neighbors？
blankets and towels。
？Don？t do that；？ she scolded him。 ？Or do and get yelled at。Whatever。Where？s your brother？？
？Don？t know。？ He dropped to the ground and rummaged through the stuff that was strewn all
over the blanket。 ？Vanessa； you got sand inside my Cheez…Its。？
？Life？s rough； sometimes。？ Vanessa inspected her milk…white ankles and even paler feet。 She
almost wished she？d thought to get a pedicure。 She swiveled them off the blanket and buried them
in the sand。 ？Please； Nils； tell me you didn？t kill your brother。？
Nils grinned at her； leaned in closer； placing his sticky； sand…covered little hands on her shoulders；
and burped in her face。
An overprivileged psychopath in the making。
？The boy you？resupposed to be watching is overthere； ？a familiar whiny voice piped up。
Vanessa turned to meet the cool glare of her old class…mate； Kati Farkas。 Kati sported a
professionally sprayed？on tan and a too…small black Gucci bikini。 Beside her lay her best friend；
Isabel Coates。 Isabel was on her tummy with her pea green string bikini top off。 A tiny redheaded
girl was rubbing her back with Ban de Soleil bronzing oil。
？Oh； hello；？ Vanessa responded coldly。 Two other long…limbed mannequin types lounged beside
Isabel beneath a pink…and…white striped umbrella。 ？Are you a nanny for the summer too？？ she
asked Kati； even though she knew it couldn？t possibly be true。 Kati and Isabelwork？ Never。
Kati rolled her eyes。 ？She？s my niece。 I like watching her。 She gets us stuff and rubs on our
lotion and guys think she？s cute。？
Vanessa nodded。 She really had no response。 Then she caught sight of Edgar across the beach；
walking to the edge of the water and then screaming excitedly every time a frothy wave crashed at
his feet。 She was about to stand and grab him； but he saw her and started to run toward her instead。
She turned back to Kati。 ？Thanks for the tip；？ she said a little sarcastically。 Maybe if she asked
both twins to rub her with oil； she？d be thronged by hot Hamptons surfer boys？ just her type。
Right。
？Nice suit；？ Isabel piped up meanly。
Vanessa knew she looked ridiculous in Jenny？s girls？ size 12 Hanna Andersson
bumble…bee…striped bathing suit； but she could hardly resist the urge to kick sand in Isabel？s eyes。
Instead she finished her juice box in one guttural slurp。
She heard the skinny girls lying next to Isabel snicker。 Assholes。 She was about to offer them an
icy death…glare when she suddenly realized she knew them！ Except 。 。 。not。 At first the girls looked
exactly like Blair and Serena； but then the longer she stared at them； the more deformed they
appeared。 The brunette had a shaggy face…framing haircut and brilliant blue eyes； and two
enormous teeth protruding from between her lips。 The blonde； who was frighteningly skinny； was
almost beautiful except for the visible pulsating purple…blue vein in her forehead and the fact that
one of her nearly navy…colored eyes was slightly lopsided。 Plus； a truly beautiful girl like Serena
wouldn？t be caught dead in a purple cutout bathing suit like the one this girl had on。 There was
even a ridiculous cutout hole on her belly button。
Still； for that split second； a wave of relief had washed over her。 Friends！ She could have real；
human friends out here！ It made her realize： even if these low…rent versions weren？t the real thing；
Blair and Serenamust be kicking around some…where； right？ Where else would those two go for
the summer？
？Do you haff a problem？？ The weird impostor Blair glared at Vanessa。 ？Maybe is something I
can help you with？？
？Oh； sorry；？ Vanessa stammered； embarrassed that she？d been caught staring。 ？It？s just that？？
？Yes？？ the girl demanded bitchily。
？It？s just that you reminded me of someone I know。？ Was this girl Russian or just retarded？
？Mmmm。？ Bizarro Blair studied Vanessa closely。 Then skankbomb blond version of Serena
sitting to her right leaned over and whispered something into Bizarro Blair？s ear； dramatically。
How friendly。
？You know vhat？？ Bizarro Blair smiled at Vanessa and ran her fingers through her thick；
shoulder…length chestnut hair。 ？You give me very good ideas。？
？Vhatever。？ Vanessa turned away from the blanket full of bitches and focused her attention on
the twins； who were now taking turns spitting chunks of chewed…up orange cracker at one another。
？Very good idea；？ the Blair clone repeated behind her。
Oh？ And what couldthat be？
d？s big fat geek experiment
？You？re here！？
Dan peered nervously into the foyer of Greg？s sprawling Harlem apartment； where they were
holding their very first meeting of the Song of Myself literary salon。
？I？m here。？ Dan stepped inside； hesitating in the dark foyer； pretending to study a massive oil
painting as he anxiously practiced his opening ments in his head。Wele everyone； to our
first meeting。 I？d like to begin by quoting the poet Wallace Stevens； who of course had much to
say on the subject of the centrality of literature to the human condition。 。 。 。 ？Let be be finale of
seem。The only emperor is the emperor of ice cream。？
？Everything okay？？
The weight of Greg？s hand on his shoulder startled Dan。 ？Hey； sorry。？
Greg laughed。 ？Nervous？？
？No； no；？ Dan lied。 ？Just looking at this painting。？ He gestured at the huge canvas hanging over
the mantel in Greg？s parents？ apartment。 They were older than Rufus and spend most of their time
in Phoenix。 A swirl of glossy grays and flesh tones glinted in the afternoon sunlight streaming
through dusty living room windows。
？You like it？？ Greg wondered。 ？It？s one of mine。？
？Really？？ Dan turned to study the painting； actually looking at it this time。 When he took a step
back into the foyer； and then another； he realized that he had been staring at a life…size self…portrait
of Greg； sitting on top of a tiny stepladder； pletely naked。 ？Oh； right。？ He tittered
nervously。 ？Of course。Yeah。 It？s you。？
？In all my glory。？ Greg noticed the