above her。
'You will understand； I dare say； without my telling you； that my
brother has e home to find my dear father's will； and to take
possession of his property。 He says； if there is a will； he is sure I
shall be left rich； and if there is none； that he will make me so。'
He would have spoken； but she put up her trembling hand again； and he
stopped。
'I have no use for money； I have no wish for it。 It would be of no value
at all to me but for your sake。 I could not be rich； and you here。 I
must always be much worse than poor； with you distressed。 Will you let
me lend you all I have？ Will you let me give it you？ Will you let me
show you that I have never forgotten； that I never can forget； your
protection of me when this was my home？ Dear Mr Clennam； make me of all
the world the happiest； by saying Yes。 Make me as happy as I can be in
leaving you here； by saying nothing to…night； and letting me go
away with the hope that you will think of it kindly； and that for my
sake……not for yours； for mine； for nobody's but mine！……you will give me
the greatest joy I can experience on earth； the joy of knowing that I
have been serviceable to you； and that I have paid some little of the
great debt of my affection and gratitude。 I can't say what I wish to
say。 I can't visit you here where I have lived so long； I can't think of
you here where I have seen so much； and be as calm and forting as I
ought。 My tears will make their way。 I cannot keep them back。 But
pray； pray； pray； do not turn from your Little Dorrit； now； in your
affliction！ Pray； pray； pray； I beg you and implore you with all my
grieving heart； my friend……my dear！……take all I have； and make it a
Blessing to me！'
The star had shone on her face until now； when her face sank upon his
hand and her own。
It had grown darker when he raised her in his encircling arm； and softly
answered her。
'No； darling Little Dorrit。 No； my child。 I must not hear of such a
sacrifice。 Liberty and hope would be so dear； bought at such a price；
that I could never support their weight； never bear the reproach of
possessing them。 But with what ardent thankfulness and love I say this；
I may call Heaven to witness！'
'And yet you will not let me be faithful to you in your affliction？'
'Say； dearest Little Dorrit； and yet I will try to be faithful to you。
If； in the bygone days when this was your home and when this was your
dress； I had understood myself （I speak only of myself） better； and
had read the secrets of my own breast more distinctly； if； through my
reserve and self…mistrust； I had discerned a light that I see brightly
now when it has passed far away； and my weak footsteps can never
overtake it； if I had then known； and told you that I loved and honoured
you； not as the poor child I used to call you； but as a woman whose
true hand would raise me high above myself and make me a far happier and
better man； if I had so used the opportunity there is no recalling……as
I wish I had； O I wish I had！……and if something had kept us apart then；
when I was moderately thriving； and when you were poor； I might have met
your noble offer of your fortune； dearest girl； with other words than
these； and still have blushed to touch it。 But； as it is； I must never
touch it； never！'
She besought him； more pathetically and earnestly； with her little
supplicatory hand； than she could have done in any words。
'I am disgraced enough； my Little Dorrit。 I must not descend so low as
that； and carry you……so dear； so generous； so good……down with me。 GOD
bless you； GOD reward you！ It is past。' He took her in his arms； as if
she had been his daughter。
'Always so much older； so much rougher； and so much less worthy； even
what I was must be dismissed by both of us； and you must see me only as
I am。 I put this parting kiss upon your cheek； my child……who might have
been more near to me； who never could have been more dear……a ruined man
far removed from you； for ever separated from you； whose course is
run while yours is but beginning。 I have not the courage to ask to be
forgotten by you in my humiliation； but I ask to be remembered only as I
am。'
The bell began to ring； warning visitors to depart。 He took her mantle
from the wall； and tenderly wrapped it round her。
'One other word； my Little Dorrit。 A hard one to me； but it is a
necessary one。 The time when you and this prison had anything in mon
has long gone by。 Do you understand？'
'O！ you will never say to me；' she cried； weeping bitterly； and holding
up her clasped hands in entreaty； 'that I am not to e back any more！
You will surely not desert me so！'
'I would say it； if I could； but I have not the courage quite to shut
out this dear face； and abandon all hope of its return。 But do not e
soon； do not e often！ This is now a tainted place； and I well know
the taint of it clings to me。 You belong to much brighter and better
scenes。 You are not to look back here； my Little Dorrit； you are to look
away to very different and much happier paths。 Again； GOD bless you in
them！ GOD reward you！'
Maggy； who had fallen into very low spirits； here cried； 'Oh get him
into a hospital； do get him into a hospital； Mother！ He'll never look
like hisself again； if he an't got into a hospital。 And then the little
woman as was always a spinning at her wheel； she can go to the cupboard
with the Princess； and say； what do you keep the Chicking there for？ and
then they can take it out and give it to him； and then all be happy！'
The interruption was seasonable； for the bell had nearly rung itself
out。 Again tenderly wrapping her mantle about her； and taking her on his
arm （though； but for her visit； he was almost too weak to walk）； Arthur
led Little Dorrit down…stairs。 She was the last visitor to pass out at
the Lodge； and the gate jarred heavily and hopelessly upon her。
With the funeral clang that it sounded into Arthur's heart； his sense of
weakness returned。 It was a toilsome journey up…stairs to his room； and
he re…entered its dark solitary precincts in unutterable misery。
When it was almost midnight； and the prison had long been quiet； a
cautious creak came up the stairs； and a cautious tap of a key was given
at his door。 It was Young John。 He glided in； in his stockings； and held
the door closed； while he spoke in a whisper。
'It's against all rules； but I don't mind。 I was determined to e
through； and e to you。'
'What is the matter？'
'Nothing's the matter； sir。 I was waiting in the court…yard for Miss
Dorrit when she came out。 I thought you'd like some one to see that she
was safe。'
'Thank you； thank you！ You took her home； John？'
'I saw her to her hotel。 The same that Mr Dorrit was at。 Miss Dorrit
walked all the way； and talked to me so kind； it quite knocked me over。
Why do you think she walked instead of riding？'
'I don't know； John。'
'To talk about you。 She said to me； 〃John； you was always honourable；
and if you'll promise me that you will take care of him； and never let
him want for help and fort when I am not there； my mind will be at
rest so far。〃 I promised her。 And I'll stand by you；' said John Chivery；
'for ever！'
Clennam； much affected； stretched out his hand to this honest spirit。
'Before I take it；' said John； looking at it； without ing from the
door； 'guess what message Miss Dorrit gave me。'
Clennam shook his head。
'〃Tell him；〃' repeated John； in a distinct； though quavering voice；
'〃that his Little Dorrit sent him her undying love。〃 Now it's delivered。
Have I been honourable； sir？'
'Very； very！'
'Will you tell Miss Dorrit I've been honourable； sir？'
'I will indeed。'
'There's my hand； sir；' said john； 'and I'll stand by you forever！'
After a hearty squeeze； he disappeared with the same cautious creak upon
the stair； crept shoeless over the pavement of the yard； and； locking
the gates behind him； passed out into the front where he had left his
shoes。 If the same way had been paved with burning ploughshares； it is
not at all improbable that John would have traversed it with the same
devotion； for the same purpose。
CHAPTER 30。 Closing in
The last day of the appointed week touched the bars of the Marshalsea
gate。 Black； all night； since the gate had clashed upon Little Dorrit；
its iron stripes were turned by the early…glowing sun into stripes of
gold。 Far aslant across the city； over its jumbled roofs； and through
the open tracery of its church towers； struck the long bright rays； bars
of the prison of this lower world。
Throughout the day the old house within the gateway remained untroubled
by any visitors。 But； when the sun was low； three men turned in at the
gateway and made for the dilapidated house。
Rigaud was the first； and walked by himself smoking。 Mr Baptist was
the second； and jogged close after him； looking at no other object。
Mr Pancks was the third； and carried his hat under his arm for the
liberation of his restive hair； the weather being extremely hot。 They
all came together at the door…steps。
'You pair of madmen！' said Rigaud； facing about。 'Don't go yet！'
'We don't mean to；' said Mr Pancks。 Giving him a dark glance in
acknowledgment of his answer； Rigaud knocked loudly。 He had charged
himself with drink； for the playing out of his game； and was impatient
to begin。 He had hardly finished one long resounding knock； when he
turned to the knocker again and began another。 That was not yet finished
when Jeremiah Flintwinch opened the door； and they all clanked into the
stone hall。 Rigaud； thrusting Mr Flintwinch aside； proceeded straight
up…stairs。 His two attendants followed him； Mr Flintwinch followed them；
and they all came trooping into Mrs Clennam's quiet room。 It was in its
usual state； except that one of the windows was wide open； and Affery
sat on its old…fashioned window…seat； mending a stocking。 The usual
articles were on the little table； the usual deadened fire was in the
grate； the bed had its usual pall upon it； and the mistress of all sat
on her black bier…like sofa； propped up by her black angular bolster
that was like the headsman's block。
Yet there was a nameless air of preparation in the room； as if it were
strung up for an o