seemed quite foreign to him。 In the end she did it for him。 His bottom was sore： crusty； red and irritated。 The nappy stank of ammonia。 She tried to remove it； but he yelped； lashed out at her； then pulled away； scampering back down to the sitting room with his nappy sagging。 Kay wanted to wash her hands； but there was no soap。 Trying not to inhale； she closed the bathroom door behind her。
She glanced into the bedrooms before returning downstairs。 The contents of all three spilt out onto the cluttered landing。 They were all sleeping on mattresses。 Robbie seemed to be sharing a room with his mother。 A couple of toys lay among the dirty clothes strewn all over the floor： cheap； plastic and too young for him。 To Kay’s surprise； the duvet and pillows both had covers on them。
Back in the sitting room； Robbie was whining again； banging his fist against the stack of cardboard boxes。 Terri was watching from beneath half…closed eyelids。 Kay brushed off the seat of her chair before sitting back down。
‘Terri； you’re on the methadone programme at the Bellchapel Clinic； isn’t that right？’
‘Mm；’ said Terri drowsily。
‘And how’s that going； Terri？’
Pen poised； Kay waited； pretending that the answer was not sitting in front of her。
‘Are you still going to the clinic； Terri？’
‘Las’ week。 Friday； I goes。’
Robbie pounded the boxes with his fists。
‘Can you tell me how much methadone you’re on？’
‘Hundred and fifteen mils；’ said Terri。
It did not surprise Kay that Terri could remember this； but not the age of her daughter。
‘Mattie says here that your mother has been helping with Robbie and Krystal； is that still the case？’
Robbie flung his hard； pact little body against the pile of boxes； which swayed。
‘Be careful； Robbie；’ said Kay； and Terri said； ‘Leave ’em；’ with the closest thing to alertness Kay had heard in her dead voice。
Robbie returned to beating the boxes with his fists； for the pleasure； apparently； of listening to the hollow drumbeat。
‘Terri； is your mother still helping to look after Robbie？’
‘Not m’mother； gran。’
‘Robbie’s gran？’
‘My gran； innit。 She dun … she ain’t well。’
Kay glanced over at Robbie again； her pen at the ready。 He was not underweight； she knew that from the feel and look of him； half…naked； as she had wiped his backside。 His T…shirt was dirty； but his hair； when she had bent over him； had smelled surprisingly of shampoo。 There were no bruises on his milk…white arms and legs； but there was the sodden； bagging nappy； he was three and a half。
‘M’ungry；’ he shouted； giving the box a final； futile whack。 ‘M’ungry。’
‘You c’n’ave a biscuit；’ slurred Terri； but not moving。 Robbie’s yells turned to noisy sobs and screams。 Terri made no attempt to leave her chair。 It was impossible to talk over the din。
‘Shall I get him one？’ shouted Kay。
‘Yeah。’
Robbie ran past Kay into the kitchen。 It was almost as dirty as the bathroom。 Other than the fridge； cooker and washing machine； there were no gadgets； the counters carried only dirty plates； another overflowing ashtray； carrier bags； mouldy bread。 The lino was tacky and stuck to the soles of Kay’s shoes。 Rubbish had overflowed the bin； on top of which sat a pizza box； precariously balanced。
‘’N there；’ said Robbie； jabbing a finger at the wall unit without looking at Kay。 ‘’N there。’
More food than Kay had expected was stacked in the cupboard： tins； a packet of biscuits； a jar of instant coffee。 She took two biscuits from the packet and handed them to him； he snatched them and ran away again； back to his mother。
‘So； do you like going to the nursery； Robbie？’ she asked him； as he sat scoffing the biscuits on the floor。
He did not answer。
‘Yeah； ’e likes it；’ said Terri； slightly more awake。 ‘Don’ you； Robbie？ ’E likes it。’
‘When was he last there； Terri？’
‘Las’ time。 Yesterday。’
‘Yesterday was Monday； he couldn’t have been there then；’ said Kay； making notes。 ‘That isn’t one of the days he goes。’
‘Wha’？’
‘I’m asking about nursery。 Robbie’s supposed to be there today。 I need to know when he was last there。’
‘I told you； din’ I？ Las’ time。’
Her eyes were more fully open than Kay had yet seen them。 The timbre of her voice was still flat； but antagonism was struggling to the surface。
‘Are you a dyke？’ she asked。
‘No；’ said Kay； still writing。
‘You look like a dyke；’ said Terri。
Kay continued to write。
‘Juice；’ Robbie shouted； chocolate smeared over his chin。
This time Kay did not move。 After another long pause； Terri lurched out of her chair and wove her way into the hall。 Kay leaned forward and shifted the loose lid of the biscuit tin Terri had displaced when she sat down。 Inside was a syringe； a bit of grubby cotton wool； a rusty…looking spoon and a dusty polythene bag。 Kay snapped the lid back on firmly； while Robbie watched her。 Terri returned； after some distant clattering； carrying a cup of juice； which she shoved at the little boy。
‘There；’ she said； more to Kay than to her son； and she sat back down again。 She missed the seat and collided with the arm of the chair on her first attempt； Kay heard the bone collide with wood； but Terri seemed to feel no pain。 She settled herself back into the sagging cushions and surveyed the social worker with bleary indifference。
Kay had read the file from cover to cover。 She knew that nearly everything of value in Terri Weedon’s life had been sucked into the black hole of her addiction； that it had cost her two children； that she barely clung to two more； that she prostituted herself to pay for heroin； that she had been involved in every sort of petty crime； and that she was currently attempting rehab for the umpteenth time。
But not to feel； not to care … Right now； Kay thought； she’s happier than I am。
III
At the start of the second post…lunch period； Stuart ‘Fats’ Wall walked out of school。 His experiment in truancy was undertaken in no rash spirit； he had decided the previous night that he would miss the double period of puting that finished the afternoon。 He might have chosen to skip any lesson； but it so happened that his best friend Andrew Price （known to Fats as Arf） was in a different set in puting； and Fats； in spite of his best efforts； had not succeeded in being demoted to join him。
Fats and Andrew were perhaps equally aware that the admiration in their relationship flowed mostly from Andrew to Fats； but Fats alone suspected that he needed Andrew more than Andrew needed him。 Lately； Fats had started to regard this dependency in the light of a weakness； but he reasoned that； while his liking for Andrew’s pany lingered； he might as well miss a double period where he had to do without it anyway。
Fats had been told by a reliable informant that the one fail…safe way of quitting the Winterdown grounds without being spotted from a window was to climb over the side wall by the bike shed。 This； therefore； he did； dropping down by his fingertips into the narrow lane on the other side。 He landed without mishap； strode off along the narrow path and turned left； onto the busy dirty main road。
Safely on his way； he lit a cigarette and proceeded past the run…down little shops。 Five blocks along； Fats turned left again； into the first of the streets that made up the Fields。 He loosened his school tie with one hand as he walked； but did not remove it。 He did not care that he was； conspicuously； a schoolboy。 Fats had never even attempted to customize his uniform in any way； to pin badges on his lapels or adjust his tie knot to suit fashion； he wore his school clothes with the disdain of a convict。
He had decided that he possessed traits that were authentic； which ought therefore to be encouraged and cultivated； but also that some of his habits of thought were the unnatural product of his unfortunate upbringing； and consequently inauthentic and to be purged。 Lately； he had been experimenting with acting on what he thought were his authentic impulses； and ignoring or suppressing the guilt and fear （inauthentic） that such actions seemed to engender。 Undoubtedly； this was being easier with practice。 He wanted to toughen up inside； to bee invulnerable； to be free of the fear of consequences： to rid himself of spurious notions of goodness and badness。
One of the things that had begun to irritate him about his own dependence on Andrew was that the latter’s presence sometimes curbed and limited the full expression of Fats’ authentic self。 Somewhere in Andrew was a self…drawn map of what constituted fair play； and lately Fats had caught looks of displeasure； confusion and disappointment poorly disguised on his old friend’s face。 Andrew pulled up short at extremes of baiting and derision。 Fats did not hold this against Andrew； it would have been inauthentic for Andrew to join in； unless that was what he really； truly wanted。 The trouble was that Andrew was displaying an attachment to the kind of morality against which Fats was waging an increasingly determined war。 Fats suspected that the right thing to do； the correctly unsentimental act in pursuit of full authenticity； would have been to cut Andrew adrift； and yet he still preferred Andrew’s pany to anybody else’s。
Fats was convinced that he knew himself particularly well； he explored the nooks and crevices of his own psyche with an attention he had recently ceased to give to anything else。 He spent hours interrogating himself about his own impulses； desires and fears； attempting to discriminate between those that were truly his and those that he had been taught to feel。 He examined his own attachments （nobody else he knew； he was sure； was ever this honest with themselves； they drifted； half asleep； through life）： and his conclusion had been that Andrew； whom he had known since he was five； was the person for whom he felt the most straightforward affection； that； even though he was now old enough to see through her； he retained an attachment to his mother that was not his own fault； and that he actively despised Cubby； who represented the acme and pinnacle of inauthenticity。
On the Facebook page that Fats curated with a care he devoted to almost nothin