首发偶发空缺 (临时空缺)- 第42部分

‘I’ll　walk　you　up　the—’　Miles　began；　but　Gavin　was　talking　firmly　over　him。

‘You　stay　here；　Miles；　I’ll　see　Mary　back。　I’ll　walk　you　up　the　road；　Mary。　It’ll　only　take　five　minutes。　It’s　dark　up　the　top　there。’

Kay　was　barely　breathing；　all　her　being　was　concentrated　in　loathing　of　placent　Miles；　tarty　Samantha　and　fragile；　drooping　Mary；　but　most　of　all　of　Gavin　himself。

‘Oh；　yes；’　she　heard　herself　saying；　as　everybody　seemed　to　look　towards　her　for　permission；　‘yep；　you　see　Mary　home；　Gav。’

She　heard　the　front　door　close　and　Gavin　had　gone。　Miles　was　pouring　Kay’s　coffee。　She　watched　the　stream　of　hot　black　liquid　fall；　and　felt　suddenly；　painfully　alive　to　what　she　had　risked　in　overthrowing　her　life　for　the　man　walking　away　into　the　night　with　another　woman。

VIII
Colin　Wall　saw　Gavin　and　Mary　pass　under　his　study　window。　He　recognized　Mary’s　silhouette　at　once；　but　had　to　squint　to　identify　the　stringy　man　at　her　side；　before　they　moved　out　of　the　aureole　cast　by　the　street　light。　Crouching；　half…raised　out　of　his　puter　chair；　Colin　gaped　after　the　figures　as　they　disappeared　into　the　darkness。

He　was　shocked　to　his　core；　having　taken　it　for　granted　that　Mary　was　in　a　kind　of　purdah；　that　she　was　receiving　only　women　in　the　sanctuary　of　her　own　home；　among　them　Tessa；　who　was　still　visiting　every　other　day。　Never　had　it　occurred　to　him　that　Mary　might　be　socializing　after　dark；　least　of　all　with　a　single　man。　He　felt　personally　betrayed；　as　though　Mary；　on　some　spiritual　level；　was　cuckolding　him。

Had　Mary　permitted　Gavin　to　see　Barry’s　body？　Was　Gavin　spending　evenings　sitting　in　Barry’s　favourite　seat　by　the　fire？　Were　Gavin　and　Mary　…　could　they　possibly　be　…？　Such　things　happened；　after　all；　every　day。　Perhaps　…　perhaps　even　before　Barry’s　death　…？

Colin　was　perennially　appalled　by　the　threadbare　state　of　other　people’s　morals。　He　tried　to　insulate　himself　against　shocks　by　pushing　himself　to　imagine　the　worst：　by　conjuring　awful　visions　of　depravity　and　betrayal；　rather　than　waiting　for　the　truth　to　rip　like　a　shell　through　his　innocent　delusions。　Life；　for　Colin；　was　one　long　brace　against　pain　and　disappointment；　and　everybody　apart　from　his　wife　was　an　enemy　until　they　had　proven　otherwise。

He　was　half　inclined　to　rush　downstairs　to　tell　Tessa　what　he　had　just　seen；　because　she　might　be　able　to　give　him　an　innocuous　explanation　of　Mary’s　night…time　stroll；　and　to　reassure　him　that　his　best　friend’s　widow　had　been；　and　was　still；　faithful　to　her　husband。　Noheless；　he　resisted　the　urge；　because　he　was　angry　with　Tessa。

Why　was　she　showing　such　a　determined　lack　of　interest　in　his　forthing　candidacy　for　the　council？　Did　she　not　realize　how　tight　a　stranglehold　his　anxiety　had　gained　over　him　ever　since　he　had　sent　in　his　application　form？　Even　though　he　had　expected　to　feel　this　way；　the　pain　was　not　diminished　by　anticipation；　any　more　than　being　hit　by　a　train　would　be　less　devastating　for　seeing　it　approaching　down　the　track；　Colin　merely　suffered　twice：　in　the　expectation　and　in　its　realization。

His　nightmarish　new　fantasies　swirled　around　the　Mollisons　and　the　ways　in　which　they　were　likely　to　attack　him。　Counter…arguments；　explanations　and　extenuations　ran　constantly　through　his　mind。　He　saw　himself　already　besieged；　fighting　for　his　reputation。　The　edge　of　paranoia　always　apparent　in　Colin’s　dealings　with　the　world　was　being　more　pronounced；　and　meanwhile；　Tessa　was　pretending　to　be　oblivious；　doing　absolutely　nothing　to　help　alleviate　the　dreadful；　crushing　strain。

He　knew　that　she　did　not　think　he　ought　to　be　standing。　Perhaps　she　too　was　terrified　that　Howard　Mollison　would　slit　open　the　bulging　gut　of　their　past；　and　spill　its　ghastly　secrets　for　all　the　Pagford　vultures　to　pick　over。

Colin　had　already　made　a　few　telephone　calls　to　those　whom　Barry　had　counted　on　for　support。　He　had　been　surprised　and　heartened　that　not　one　of　them　had　challenged　his　credentials　or　interrogated　him　on　the　issues。　Without　exception；　they　had　expressed　their　profound　sorrow　at　the　loss　of　Barry　and　their　intense　dislike　of　Howard　Mollison；　or　‘tha’　great　smug　basturd’；　as　one　of　the　blunter　voters　had　called　him。　‘Tryin’　ter　crowbar　in　’is　son。　’E　could　’ardly　stop　hisself　grinnin’　when　’e　’eard　Barry　was　dead。’　Colin；　who　had　piled　a　list　of　pro…Fields　talking　points；　had　not　needed　to　refer　to　the　paper　once。　So　far；　his　main　appeal　as　a　candidate　seemed　to　be　that　he　was　Barry’s　friend；　and　that　he　was　not　called　Mollison。

His　miniature　black　and　white　face　was　smiling　at　him　out　of　the　puter　monitor。　He　had　been　sitting　here　all　evening；　trying　to　pose　his　election　pamphlet；　for　which　he　had　decided　to　use　the　same　photograph　as　was　featured　on　the　Winterdown　website：　full　face；　with　a　slightly　anodyne　grin；　his　forehead　steep　and　shiny。　The　image　had　in　its　favour　the　fact　that　it　had　already　been　submitted　to　the　public　gaze；　and　had　not　brought　down　ridicule　or　ruin　upon　him：　a　powerful　remendation。　But　beneath　the　photograph；　where　the　personal　information　ought　to　have　been；　were　only　one　or　two　tentative　sentences。　Colin　had　spent　most　of　the　last　two　hours　posing　and　then　deleting　words；　at　one　point　he　had　managed　to　plete　an　entire　paragraph；　only　to　destroy　it；　backspace　by　backspace；　with　a　nervous；　jabbing　forefinger。

Unable　to　bear　the　indecision　and　solitude；　he　jumped　up　and　went　downstairs。　Tessa　was　lying　on　the　sofa　in　the　sitting　room；　apparently　dozing；　with　the　television　on　in　the　background。

‘How’s　it　going？’　she　asked　sleepily；　opening　her　eyes。

‘Mary’s　just　gone　by。　Walking　up　the　street　with　Gavin　Hughes。’

‘Oh；’　said　Tessa。　‘She　said　something　about　going　over　to　Miles　and　Samantha’s；　earlier。　Gavin　must　have　been　there。　He’s　probably　walking　her　home。’

Colin　was　appalled。　Mary　visiting　Miles；　the　man　who　sought　to　fill　her　husband’s　shoes；　who　stood　in　opposition　to　all　that　Barry　had　fought　for？

‘What　on　earth　was　she　doing　at　the　Mollisons’？’

‘They　went　with　her　to　the　hospital；　you　know　that；’　said　Tessa；　sitting　up　with　a　small　groan　and　stretching　her　short　legs。　‘She　hasn’t　spoken　to　them　properly　since。　She　wanted　to　thank　them。　Have　you　finished　your　pamphlet？’

‘I’m　nearly　there。　Listen；　with　the　information　–　I　mean；　as　far　as　the　personal　information　goes　–　past　posts；　do　you　think？　Or　limit　it　to　Winterdown？’

‘I　don’t　think　you　need　say　more　than　where　you　work　now。　But　why　don’t　you　ask　Minda？　She　…’　Tessa　yawned　‘…　she’s　done　it　herself。’

‘Yes；’　said　Colin。　He　waited；　standing　over　her；　but　she　did　not　offer　to　help；　or　even　to　read　what　he　had　written　so　far。　‘Yes；　that’s　a　good　idea；’　he　said；　more　loudly。　‘I’ll　get　Minda　to　look　over　it。’

She　grunted；　massaging　her　ankles；　and　he　left　the　room；　full　of　wounded　pride。　His　wife　could　not　possibly　realize　what　a　state　he　was　in；　how　little　sleep　he　was　getting；　or　how　his　stomach　was　gnawing　itself　from　within。

Tessa　had　only　pretended　to　be　asleep。　Mary　and　Gavin’s　footsteps　had　woken　her　ten　minutes　previously。

Tessa　barely　knew　Gavin；　he　was　fifteen　years　younger　than　her　and　Colin；　but　the　main　barrier　towards　intimacy　had　always　been　Colin’s　tendency　to　be　jealous　of　Barry’s　other　friendships。

‘He’s　been　amazing　about　the　insurance；’　Mary　had　told　Tessa　on　the　telephone　earlier。　‘He’s　on　the　phone　to　them　every　day；　from　what　I　can　gather；　and　he　keeps　telling　me　not　to　worry　about　fees。　Oh　God；　Tessa；　if　they　don’t　pay　out　…’

‘Gavin　will　sort　it　out　for　you；’　said　Tessa。　‘I’m　sure　he　will。’

It　would　have　been　nice；　thought　Tessa；　stiff　and　thirsty　on　the　sofa；　if　she　and　Colin　could　have　had　Mary　round　to　the　house；　to　give　her　a　change　of　scene　and　make　sure　she　was　eating；　but　there　was　one　insuperable　barrier：　Mary　found　Colin　difficult；　a　strain。　This　unfortable　and　hitherto　concealed　fact　had　emerged　slowly　in　the　wake　of　Barry’s　death；　like　flotsam　revealed　by　the　ebbing　tide。　It　could　not　have　been　plainer　that　Mary　wanted　only　Tessa；　she　shied　away　from　suggestions　that　Colin　might　help　with　anything；　and　avoided　talking　to　him　too　long　on　the　telephone。　They　had　met　so　often　as　a　foursome　for　years；　and　Mary’s　antipathy　had　never　surfaced：　Barry’s　good　humour　must　have　cloaked　it。

Tessa　had　to　manage　the　new　state　of　affairs　with　great　delicacy。　She　had　successfully　persuaded　Colin　that　Mary　was　happiest　in　the　pany　of　other　women。　The　funeral　had　been　her　one　failure；　because　Colin　had　ambushed　Mary　as　they　all　left　St　Michael’s　and　tried　to　explain；　through　racking　sobs；　that　he　was　going　to　stand　for　Barry’s　seat　on　the　council；　to　carry　on　Barry’s　work；　to　make　sure　Barry　prevailed　posthumously。　Tessa　had　seen　Mary’s　shocked　and　offended　expression；　and　pulled　him　away。

Once　or　twice　since；　Colin　had　stated　his　intention　of　going　over　to　show　Mary　all　his　election　materials；　to　ask　whether　Barry　would　have　approved　of　them；　even　voiced　an　intention　of　seeking　guidance　from　Mary　as　to　how　Barry　would　have　handled　the　process　of　canvassing　for　votes。　In　the　end　Tessa　had　told　him　firmly　that　he　must　not　badger　Mary　about　the　Parish　Council。　He　became　huffy　at　this；　but　it　was　better；　Tessa　thought；　that　he　should　be　angry　with　her；　rather　than　adding　to　Mary’s　distress；　or　provoking　her　into　a　rebuff；　as　had　happened　over　the　viewing　of　Barry’s　body。

‘The　Mollisons；　though！’　said　Colin；　re…entering　the　room　with　a　cup　of　tea。　He　had　not　offered　Tessa　one；　he　was　often　selfish　in　these　little　ways；　too　busy　with　his　own　worries　to　notice。　‘Of　all　the　people　for　her　to　have　dinner　with！　They　were　against　everything　Barry　stood　for！’

‘That’s　a　bit　melodramatic；　Col；’　said　Tessa。　‘Anyway；　Mary　was　never　as　interested　in　the　Fields　as　Barry。’

But　Colin’s　only　understanding　of　love　was　of　limitless　loyalty；　boundless　tolerance：　Mary　had　fallen；　irreparably；　in　his　estimation。

IX
‘And　where　are　you　going？’　asked　Simon；　planting　himself　squarely　in　the　middle　of　the　tiny　hall。

The　front　door　was　open；　and　the　glass　porch　behind　him；　full　of　shoes　and　coats；　was　blinding　in　the　bright　Saturday　morning　sun；　tu