首发偶发空缺 (临时空缺)- 第86部分

He　saw　it　…　I　know　he　saw　it　…

But　I’d　never　have　done　it；　really。　I　wouldn’t　have　done　it。　I　was　upset。　I’d　never　have　done　it　…

What　if　Howard　survived；　and　his　first　words　were：　‘She　ran　out　of　the　room　when　she　saw　me。　She　didn’t　call　an　ambulance　straight　away。　She　was　holding　a　big　needle　…’

Then　I’ll　say　his　brain’s　been　affected；　Shirley　thought　defiantly。

And　if　he　died　…

Beside　her；　Samantha　was　hugging　Miles。　Shirley　did　not　like　it；　she　ought　to　be　the　centre　of　attention；　it　was　her　husband　who　was　lying　upstairs；　fighting　for　his　life。　She　had　wanted　to　be　like　Mary　Fairbrother；　cosseted　and　admired；　a　tragic　heroine。　This　was　not　how　she　had　imagined　it—

‘Shirley？’

Ruth　Price；　in　her　nurse’s　uniform；　had　e　hurrying　into　the　room；　her　thin　face　forlorn　with　sympathy。

‘I　just　heard　–　I　had　to　e　–　Shirley；　how　awful；　I’m　so　sorry。’

‘Ruth；　dear；’　said　Shirley；　getting　up；　and　allowing　herself　to　be　embraced。　‘That’s　so　kind。　So　kind。’

Shirley　liked　introducing　her　medical　friend　to　Miles　and　Samantha；　and　receiving　her　pity　and　her　kindness　in　front　of　them。　It　was　a　tiny　taste　of　how　she　had　imagined　widowhood　…

But　then　Ruth　had　to　go　back　to　work；　and　Shirley　returned　to　her　plastic　chair　and　her　unfortable　thoughts。

‘He’ll　be　OK；’　Samantha　was　murmuring　to　Miles；　as　he　rested　his　head　on　her　shoulder。　‘I　know　he’ll　pull　through。　He　did　last　time。’

Shirley　watched　little　neon…bright　fish　darting　hither　and　thither　in　their　tank。　It　was　the　past　that　she　wished　she　could　change；　the　future　was　a　blank。

‘Has　anyone　phoned　Mo？’　Miles　asked　after　a　while；　wiping　his　eyes　on　the　back　of　one　hand；　while　the　other　gripped　Samantha’s　leg。　‘Mum；　d’you　want　me　to—？’

‘No；’　said　Shirley　sharply。　‘We’ll　wait　…　until　we　know。’

In　the　theatre　upstairs；　Howard　Mollison’s　body　overflowed　the　edges　of　the　operating　table。　His　chest　was　wide　open；　revealing　the　ruins　of　Vikram　Jawanda’s　handiwork。　Nieen　people　laboured　to　repair　the　damage；　while　the　machines　to　which　Howard　was　connected　made　soft　implacable　noises；　confirming　that　he　continued　to　live。

And　far　below；　in　the　bowels　of　the　hospital；　Robbie　Weedon’s　body　lay　frozen　and　white　in　the　morgue。　Nobody　had　acpanied　him　to　the　hospital；　and　nobody　had　visited　him　in　his　metal　drawer。

III
Andrew　had　refused　a　lift　back　to　Hilltop　House；　so　it　was　only　Tessa　and　Fats　in　the　car　together；　and　Fats　said；　‘I　don’t　want　to　go　home。’

‘All　right；’　Tessa　replied；　and　she　drove；　while　talking　to　Colin　on　the　telephone。　‘I’ve　got　him　…　Andy　found　him。　We’ll　be　back　in　a　bit　…　Yes　…　Yes；　I　will　…’

Tears　were　spattering　down　Fats’　face；　his　body　was　betraying　him；　it　was　exactly　like　the　time　when　hot　urine　had　spilt　down　his　leg　into　his　sock；　when　Simon　Price　had　made　him　piss　himself。　The　hot　saltiness　leaked　over　his　chin　and　onto　his　chest；　pattering　like　drops　of　rain。

He　kept　imagining　the　funeral。　A　tiny　little　coffin。

He　had　not　wanted　to　do　it　with　the　boy　so　near。

Would　the　weight　of　the　dead　child　ever　lift　from　him？

‘So　you　ran　away；’　said　Tessa　coldly；　over　his　tears。

She　had　prayed　that　she　would　find　him　alive；　but　her　strongest　emotion　was　disgust。　His　tears　did　not　soften　her。　She　was　used　to　men’s　tears。　Part　of　her　was　ashamed　that　he　had　not；　after　all；　thrown　himself　into　the　river。

‘Krystal　told　the　police　that　you　and　she　were　in　the　bushes。　You　just　left　him　to　his　own　devices；　did　you？’

Fats　was　speechless。　He　could　not　believe　her　cruelty。　Did　she　not　understand　the　desolation　roaring　inside　him；　the　horror；　the　sense　of　contagion？

‘Well；　I　hope　you　have　got　her　pregnant；’　said　Tessa。　‘It’ll　give　her　something　to　live　for。’

Every　time　they　turned　a　corner；　he　thought　that　she　was　taking　him　home。　He　had　feared　Cubby　most；　but　now　there　was　nothing　to　choose　between　his　parents。　He　wanted　to　get　out　of　the　car；　but　she　had　locked　all　the　doors。

Without　warning；　she　swerved　and　braked。　Fats；　clutching　the　sides　of　his　seat；　saw　that　they　were　in　a　lay…by　on　the　Yarvil　bypass。　Frightened　that　she　would　order　him　out　of　the　car；　he　turned　his　swollen　face　to　her。

‘Your　birth　mother；’　she　said；　looking　at　him　as　she　had　never　done　before；　without　pity　or　kindness；　‘was　fourteen　years　old。　We　had　the　impression；　from　what　we　were　told；　that　she　was　middle　class；　quite　a　bright　girl。　She　absolutely　refused　to　say　who　your　father　was。　Nobody　knew　whether　she　was　trying　to　protect　an　under…age　boyfriend　or　something　worse。　We　were　told　all　of　this；　in　case　you　had　any　mental　or　physical　difficulties。　In　case；’　she　said　clearly；　like　a　teacher　trying　to　emphasize　a　point　sure　to　e　up　in　a　test；　‘you　had　been　the　result　of　incest。’

He　cowered　away　from　her。　He　would　have　preferred　to　be　shot。

‘I　was　desperate　to　adopt　you；’　she　said。　‘Desperate。　But　Dad　was　very　ill。　He　said　to　me；　“I　can’t　do　it。　I’m　scared　I’ll　hurt　a　baby。　I　need　to　get　better　before　we　do　this；　and　I　can’t　do　that　and　cope　with　a　new　baby　as　well。”

‘But　I　was　so　determined　to　have　you；’　said　Tessa；　‘that　I　pressured　him　into　lying；　and　telling　the　social　workers　that　he　was　fine；　and　pretending　to　be　happy　and　normal。　We　brought　you　home；　and　you　were　tiny　and　premature；　and　on　the　fifth　night　we　had　you；　Dad　slipped　out　of　bed　and　went　to　the　garage；　put　a　hosepipe　on　the　exhaust　of　the　car　and　tried　to　kill　himself；　because　he　was　convinced　he’d　smothered　you。　And　he　almost　died。

‘So　you　can　blame　me；’　said　Tessa；　‘for　your　and　Dad’s　bad　start；　and　maybe　you　can　blame　me　for　everything　that’s　e　since。　But　I’ll　tell　you　this；　Stuart。　Your　father’s　spent　his　life　facing　up　to　things　he　never　did。　I　don’t　expect　you　to　understand　his　kind　of　courage。　But；’　her　voice　broke　at　last；　and　he　heard　the　mother　he　knew；　‘he　loves　you；　Stuart。’

She　added　the　lie　because　she　could　not　help　herself。　Tonight；　for　the　first　time；　Tessa　was　convinced　that　it　was　a　lie；　and　also　that　everything　she　had　done　in　her　life；　telling　herself　that　it　was　for　the　best；　had　been　no　more　than　blind　selfishness；　generating　confusion　and　mess　all　around。　But　who　could　bear　to　know　which　stars　were　already　dead；　she　thought；　blinking　up　at　the　night　sky；　could　anybody　stand　to　know　that　they　all　were？

She　turned　the　key　in　the　ignition；　crashed　the　gears　and　they　pulled　out　again　onto　the　bypass。

‘I　don’t　want　to　go　to　the　Fields；’　said　Fats　in　terror。

‘We’re　not　going　to　the　Fields；’　she　said。　‘I’m　taking　you　home。’

IV
The　police　had　picked　up　Krystal　Weedon　at　last　as　she　ran　hopelessly　along　the　river　bank　on　the　very　edge　of　Pagford；　still　calling　her　brother　in　a　cracked　voice。　The　policewoman　who　approached　her　addressed　her　by　name；　and　tried　to　break　the　news　to　her　gently；　but　she　still　tried　to　beat　the　woman　away　from　her；　and　in　the　end　the　policewoman　had　almost　to　wrestle　her　into　the　car。　Krystal　had　not　noticed　Fats　melting　away　into　the　trees；　he　did　not　exist　to　her　any　more。

The　police　drove　Krystal　home；　but　when　they　knocked　on　the　front　door　Terri　refused　to　answer。　She　had　glimpsed　them　through　an　upstairs　window；　and　thought　that　Krystal　had　done　the　one　unthinkable　and　unforgivable　thing；　and　told　the　pigs　about　the　hold…alls　full　of　Obbo’s　hash。　She　dragged　the　heavy　bags　upstairs　while　the　police　hammered　at　the　door；　and　only　opened　up　when　she　considered　that　it　had　bee　unavoidable。

‘Whatcha　wan’？’　she　shouted；　through　an　inch…wide　gap　in　the　door。

The　policewoman　asked　to　e　in　three　times　and　Terri　refused；　still　demanding　to　know　what　they　wanted。　A　few　neighbours　had　begun　to　peer　through　windows。　Even　when　the　policewoman　said；　‘It’s　about　your　son；　Robbie；’　Terri　did　not　realize。

‘’E’s　fine。　There’s　nuthin’　wrong　with　’im。　Krystal’s　got　’im。’

But　then　she　saw　Krystal；　who　had　refused　to　stay　in　the　car；　and　had　walked　halfway　up　the　garden　path。　Terri’s　gaze　trickled　down　her　daughter’s　body　to　the　place　where　Robbie　should　have　been　clinging　to　her；　frightened　by　the　strange　men。

Terri　flew　from　her　house　like　a　fury；　with　her　hands　outstretched　like　claws；　and　the　policewoman　had　to　catch　her　round　the　middle　and　swing　her　away　from　Krystal；　whose　face　she　was　trying　to　lacerate。

‘Yeh　little　bitch；　yeh　little　bitch；　what’ve　yeh　done　ter　Robbie？’

Krystal　dodged　the　struggling　pair；　darted　into　the　house　and　slammed　the　front　door　behind　her。

‘For　fuck’s　sake；’　muttered　the　policeman　under　his　breath。

Miles　away　in　Hope　Street；　Kay　and　Gaia　Bawden　faced　each　other　in　the　dark　hallway。　Neither　of　them　was　tall　enough　to　replace　the　light　bulb　that　had　been　dead　for　days；　and　they　had　no　ladder。　All　day　long；　they　had　argued　and　almost　made　up；　then　argued　again。　Finally；　at　the　moment　when　reconciliation　seemed　within　touching　distance；　when　Kay　had　agreed　that　she　too　hated　Pagford；　that　it　had　all　been　a　mistake；　and　that　she　would　try　and　get　them　both　back　to　London；　her　mobile　had　rung。

‘Krystal　Weedon’s　brother’s　drowned；’　whispered　Kay；　as　she　cut　Tessa’s　call。

‘Oh；’　said　Gaia。　Knowing　that　she　ought　to　express　pity；　but　frightened　to　let　discussion　of　London　drop　before　she　had　her　mother’s　firm　mitment；　she　added；　in　a　tight　little　voice；　‘That’s　sad。’

‘It　happened　here　in　Pagford；’　said　Kay。　‘Along　the　road。　Krystal　was　with　Tessa　Wall’s　son。’

Gaia　felt　even　more　ashamed　of　letting　Fats　Wall　kiss　her。　He　had　tasted　horrible；　of　lager　and　cigarettes；　and　he　had　tried　to　feel　her　up。　She　was　worth　much　more　than　Fats　Wall；　she　knew　that。　If　it　had　even　been　Andy　Price；　she　would　have　felt　better　about　it。　Sukhvinder　had　not　returned　one　of　her　calls；　all　day　long。

‘She’ll　be　absolutely　broken　up；’　said　Kay；　her　eyes　unfocused。

‘But　there’s　nothing　you　can　do；’　said　Gaia。　‘Is　there？’

‘Well　…’　said　Kay。

‘Not　again！’　cried　Gaia。　‘It’s　always；　always　the　same！　You’re　not　her　social　worker　any　more！　What；’　she　shouted；　stamping　her　foot　as　she　had　done　when　she　was　a　little　girl；　‘about　me？’

The　police　officer　in　Foley　Road　had　already　called　a　duty　social　work