very wrong at the same time。
Charlie was standing under the little back porch； and Billy was sitting in the
doorway behind them。
〃Hey； Dad；〃 we both said at the same time； and that started us laughing again。
Charlie stared at me with wide eyes that flashed down to note Jacob's hand
around mine。
〃Billy invited us for dinner；〃 Charlie said to us in an absentminded tone。
〃My super secret recipe for spaghetti。 Handed down for generations；〃 Billy
said gravely。
Jacob snorted。 〃I don't think Ragu's actually been around that long。〃
The house was crowded。 Harry Clearwater was there； too； with his family—his
wife； Sue； whom I knew
vaguely from my childhood summers in Forks； and his two children。 Leah was a
senior like me； but a
year older。 She was beautiful in an exotic way—perfect copper skin；
glistening black hair； eyelashes like
feather dusters—and preoccupied。 She was on Billy's phone when we got in； and
she never let it go。
Seth was fourteen； he hung on Jacob's every word with idolizing eyes。
There were too many of us for the kitchen table； so Charlie and Harry brought
chairs out to the yard； and
we ate spaghetti off plates on our laps in the dim light from Billy's open
door。 The men talked about the
game； and Harry and Charlie made fishing plans。 Sue teased her husband about
his cholesterol and tried；
unsuccessfully； to shame him into eating something green and leafy。 Jacob
talked mostly to me and Seth；
who interrupted eagerly whenever Jacob seemed in danger of forgetting him。
Charlie watched me； trying
to be inconspicuous about it； with pleased but cautious eyes。
It was loud and sometimes confusing as everyone talked over everyone else； and
the laughter from one
joke interrupted the telling of another。 I didn't have to speak often； but I
smiled a lot； and only because I
felt like it。
I didn't want to leave。
This was Washington； though； and the inevitable rain eventually broke up the
party； Billy's living room
was much too small to provide an option for continuing the get…together。 Harry
had driven Charlie down；
so we rode together in my truck on the way back home。 He asked about my day；
and I told mostly the
truth—that I'd gone with Jacob to look at parts and then watched him work in
his garage。
〃You think you'll visit again anytime soon？〃 he wondered； trying to be casual
about it。
〃Tomorrow after school；〃 I admitted。 〃I'll take homework； don't worry。〃
〃You be sure to do that；〃 he ordered； trying to disguise his satisfaction。
I was nervous when we got to the house。 I didn't want to go upstairs。 The
warmth of Jacob's presence
was fading and； in its absence； the anxiety grew stronger。 I was sure I
wouldn't get away with two
peaceful nights of sleep in a row。
To put bedtime off； I checked my e…mail； there was a new message from Renee。
She wrote about her day； a new book club that rilled the time slot of the
meditation classes she'd just
quit； her week subbing in the second grade； missing her kindergarteners。 She
wrote that Phil was
enjoying his new coaching job； and that they were planning a second honeymoon
trip to Disney World。
And I noticed that the whole thing read like a journal entry； rather than a
letter to someone else。 Remorse
flooded through me； leaving an unfortable sting behind。 Some daughter I
was。
I wrote back to her quickly； menting on each part of her letter；
volunteering information of my
own—describing the spaghetti party at Billy's and how I felt watching Jacob
build useful things out of
small pieces of metal—awed and slightly envious。 I made no reference to the
change this letter would be
from the ones she'd received in the last several months。 I could barely
remember what I'd written to her
even as recently as last week； but I was sure it wasn't very responsive。 The
more I thought about it； the
guiltier I felt； I really must have worried her。
I stayed up extra late after that； finishing more homework than strictly
necessary。 But neither sleep
deprivation nor the time spent with Jacob—being almost happy in a shallow
kind of way—could keep
the dream away for two nights in a row。
I woke shuddering； my scream muffled by the pillow。
As the dim morning light filtered through the fog outside my window； I lay
still in bed and tried to shake
off the dream。 There had been a small difference last night； and I
concentrated on that。
Last night I had not been alone in the woods。 Sam Uley—the man who had pulled
me from the forest
floor that night I couldn't bear to think of consciously—was there。 It was an
odd； unexpected alteration。
The man's dark eyes had been surprisingly unfriendly； filled with some secret
he didn't seem inclined to
share。 I'd stared at him as often as my frantic searching had allowed； it made
me unfortable； under all
the usual panic； to have him there。 Maybe that was because； when I didn't look
directly at him； his shape
seemed to shiver and change in my peripheral vision。 Yet he did nothing but
stand and watch。 Unlike the
time when we had met in reality； he did not offer me his help。
Charlie stared at me during breakfast； and I tried to ignore him。 I supposed I
deserved it。 I couldn't
expect him not to worry。 It would probably be weeks before he stopped watching
for the return of the
zombie； and I would just have to try to not let it bother me。 After all； I
would be watching for the return
of the zombie； too。 Two days was hardly long enough to call me cured。
School was the opposite。 Now that I was paying attention； it was clear that no
one was watching here。
I remembered the first day I'd e to Forks High School—how desperately I'd
wished that I could turn
gray； fade into the wet concrete of the sidewalk like an oversized chameleon。
It seemed I was getting that
wish answered； a year late。
It was like I wasn't there。 Even my teachers' eyes slid past my seat as if it
were empty。
I listened all through the morning； hearing once again the voices of the
people around me。 I tried to catch
up on what was going on； but the conversations were so disjointed that I gave
up。
Jessica didn't look up when I sat down next to her in Calculus。
〃Hey； Jess；〃 I said with put…on nonchalance。 〃How was the rest of your
weekend？〃
She looked at me with suspicious eyes。 Could she still be angry？ Or was she
just too impatient to deal
with a crazy person？
〃Super；〃 she said； turning back to her book。
〃That's good；〃 I mumbled。
The figure of speech cold shoulder seemed to have some literal truth to it。 I
could feel the warm air
blowing from the floor vents； but I was still too cold。 I took the jacket off
the back of my chair and put it
on again。
My fourth hour class got out late； and the lunch table I always sat at was
full by the time I arrived。 Mike
was there； Jessica and Angela； Conner； Tyler； Eric and Lauren。 Katie Marshall；
the redheaded junior
who lived around the corner from me； was sitting with Eric； and Austin Marks—
older brother to the boy
with the motorcycles—was next to her。 I wondered how long they'd been sitting
here； unable to
remember if this was the first day or something that was a regular habit。
I was beginning to get annoyed with myself。 I might as well have been packed
in Styrofoam peanuts
through the last semester。
No one looked up when I sat down next to Mike； even though the chair squealed
stridently against the
linoleum as I dragged it back。
I tried to catch up with the conversation。
Mike and Conner were talking sports； so I gave up on that one at once。
〃Where's Ben today？〃 Lauren was asking Angela。 I perked up； interested。 I
wondered if that meant
Angela and Ben were still together。
I barely recognized Lauren。 She'd cut off all her blond； corn…silk hair—now
she had a pixie cut so short
that the back was shaved like a boy。 What an odd thing for her to do。 I wished
I knew the reason behind
it。 Did she get gum stuck in it？ Did she sell it？ Had all the people she was
habitually nasty to caught her
behind the gym and scalped her？ I decided it wasn't fair for me to judge her
now by my former opinion。
For all I knew； she'd turned into a nice person。
〃Ben's got the stomach flu；〃 Angela said in her quiet； calm voice。 〃Hopefully
it's just some twenty…four
hour thing。 He was really sick last night。〃
Angela had changed her hair； too。 She'd grown out her layers。
〃What did you two do this weekend？〃 Jessica asked； not sounding as if she
cared about the answer。 I'd
bet that this was just an opener so she could tell her own stories。 I wondered
if she would talk about Port
Angeles with me sitting two seats away？ Was I that invisible； that no one
would feel unfortable
discussing me while I was here？
〃We were going to have a picnic Saturday； actually； but we changed our
minds；〃 Angela said。 There
was an edge to her voice that caught my interest。
Jess； not so much。 〃That's too bad；〃 she said； about to launch into her story。
But I wasn't the only one
who was paying attention。
〃What happened？〃 Lauren asked curiously。
〃Well；〃 Angela said； seeming more hesitant than usual； though she was always
reserved； 〃we drove up
north； almost to the hot springs—there's a good spot just about a mile up the
trail。 But； when we were
halfway there we saw something。〃
〃Saw something？ What？〃 Lauren's pale eyebrows pulled together。 Even Jess
seemed to be listening now。
〃I don't know；〃 Angela said。 〃We think it was a bear。 It was black； anyway；
but it seemed too big。〃
Lauren snorted。 〃Oh； not you； too！〃 Her eyes turned mocking； and I decided I
didn't need to give her the
benefit of the doubt。 Obviously her personality had not changed as much as her
hair。 〃Tyler tried to sell
me that one last week。〃
〃You're not going to see any bears that close to the resort；〃 Jessica said；
siding with Lauren。
〃Really；〃 Angela protested in a low voice； looking down at the table。 〃We did
see it。〃
Lauren snickered。 Mike was still talking to Conner； not paying attention to
the girls。
〃No； she's right；〃 I threw in impatiently。 〃We had a hiker in just Saturday
who saw the bear； too； Angela