no reason to start myself panicking； Alice had promised。
I hurried through my dinner； not tasting it—just feeling the ache as it slid
down my raw throat。 Mostly I
was thirsty； I must have drunk a half gallon of water by the time I was
finished。 All the salt in my system
had dehydrated me。
I went to go try to watch TV while I waited。
Alice was already there； sitting on her improvised bed。 Her eyes were a liquid
butterscotch。 She smiled
and patted the pillow。 〃Thanks。〃
〃You're early；〃 I said； elated。
I sat down next to her and leaned my head on her shoulder。 She put her cold
arms around me and
sighed。
〃Bella。 What are we going to do with you？〃
〃I don't know；〃 I admitted。 〃I really have been trying my hardest。〃
〃I believe you。〃
It was silent。
〃Does—does he〃 I took a deep breath。 It was harder to say his name out
loud； even though I was
able to think it now。 〃Does Edward know you're here？〃 I couldn't help asking。
It was my pain； after all。
I'd deal with it when she was gone； I promised myself； and felt sick at the
thought。
〃No。〃
There was only one way that could be true。 〃He's not with Carlisle and Esme？〃
〃He checks in every few months。〃
〃Oh。〃 He must still be out enjoying his distractions。 I focused my curiosity
on a safer topic。 〃You said you
flew here Where did you e from？〃
〃I was in Denali。 Visiting Tanya's family。〃
〃Is Jasper here？ Did he e with your'〃
She shook her head。 〃He didn't approve of my interfering。 We promised〃 she
trailed off； and then her
tone changed。 〃And you think Charlie won't mind my being here？〃 she asked；
sounding worried。
〃Charlie thinks you're wonderful； Alice。〃
〃Well； we're about to find out。〃
Sure enough； a few seconds later I heard the cruiser pull into the driveway。 I
jumped up and hurried to
open the door。
Charlie trudged slowly up the walk； his eyes on the ground and his shoulders
slumped。 I walked forward
to meet him； he didn't even see me until I hugged him around the waist。 He
embraced me back fiercely。
〃I'm so sorry about Harry； Dad。〃
〃I'm really going to miss him；〃 Charlie mumbled。
〃How's Sue doing？〃
〃She seems dazed； like she hasn't grasped it yet。 Sam's staying with her〃
The volume of his voice faded
in and out。 〃Those poor kids。 Leah's just a year older than you； and Seth is
only fourteen〃 He shook
his head。
He kept his arms tight around me as he started toward the door again。
〃Um； Dad？〃 I figured I'd better warn him。 〃You'll never guess who's here。〃
He looked at me blankly。 His head swiveled around； and he spied the Mercedes
across the street； the
porch light reflecting off the glossy black paint。 Before he could react；
Alice was in the doorway。
〃Hi； Charlie；〃 she said in a subdued voice。 〃I'm sorry I came at such a bad
time。〃
〃Alice Cullen？〃 he peered at the slight figure in front of him as if he
doubted what his eyes were telling
him。 〃Alice； is that you？〃
〃It's me；〃 she confirmed。 〃I was in the neighborhood。〃
〃Is Carlisle？〃
〃No； I'm alone。〃
Both Alice and I knew he wasn't really asking about Carlisle。 His arm
tightened over my shoulder。
〃She can stay here； can't she？〃 I pleaded。 〃I already asked her。〃
〃Of course；〃 Charlie said mechanically。 〃We'd love to have you； Alice。〃
〃Thank you； Charlie。 I know it's horrid timing。〃
〃No； it's fine； really。 I'm going to be really busy doing what I can for
Harry's family； it will be nice for
Bella to have some pany。〃
〃There's dinner for you on the table； Dad；〃 I told him。
〃Thanks； Bell。〃 He gave me one more squeeze before he shuffled toward the
kitchen。
Alice went back to the couch； and I followed her。 This time； she was the one
to pull me against her
shoulder。
〃You look tired。〃
〃Yeah；〃 I agreed； and shrugged。 〃Near…death experiences do that to me So；
what does Carlisle think
of you being here？〃
〃He doesn't know。 He and Esme were on a hunting trip。 I'll hear from him in a
few days； when he gets
back。〃
〃You won't tell him； though when he checks in again？〃 I asked。 She knew I
didn't mean Carlisle now。
〃No。 He'd bite my head off；〃 Alice said grimly。
I laughed once； and then sighed。
I didn't want to sleep。 I wanted to stay up all night talking to Alice。 And it
didn't make sense for me to be
tired； what with crashing on Jacob's couch all day。 But drowning really had
taken a lot out of me； and my
eyes wouldn't stay open。 I rested my head on her stone shoulder； and drifted
into a more peaceful
oblivion than I had any hope of。
I woke early； from a deep and dreamless sleep； feeling well…rested； but stiff。
I was on the couch tucked
under the blankets I'd laid out for Alice； and I could hear her and Charlie
talking in the kitchen。 It
sounded like Charlie was fixing her breakfast。
〃How bad was it； Charlie？〃 Alice asked softly； and at first I thought they
were talking about the
Clearwaters。
Charlie sighed。 〃Real bad。〃
〃Tell me about it。 I want to know exactly what happened when we left。〃
There was a pause while a cupboard door was closed and a dial on the stove was
clicked off。 I waited；
cringing。
〃I've never felt so helpless；〃 Charlie began slowly。 〃I didn't know what to
do。 That first week—I thought I
was going to have to hospitalize her。 She wouldn't eat or drink； she wouldn't
move。 Dr。 Gerandy was
throwing around words like 'catatonic；' but I didn't let him up to see her。 I
was afraid it would scare her。〃
〃She snapped out of it though？〃
〃I had Renee e to take her to Florida。 I just didn't want to be the one
if she had to go to a hospital
or something。 I hoped being with her mother would help。 But when we started
packing her clothes； she
woke up with a vengeance。 I've never seen Bella throw a fit like that。 She was
never one for the
tantrums； but； boy； did she fly into a fury。 She threw her clothes everywhere
and screamed that we
couldn't make her leave—and then she finally started crying。 I thought that
would be the turning point。 I
didn't argue when she insisted on staying here and she did seem to get
better at first〃
Charlie trailed off。 It was hard listening to this； knowing how much pain I'd
caused him。
〃But？〃 Alice prompted。
〃She went back to school and work； she ate and slept and did her homework。 She
answered when
someone asked her a direct question。 But she was empty。 Her eyes were blank。
There were lots of
little things—she wouldn't listen to music anymore； I found a bunch of CDs
broken in the trash。 She didn't
read； she wouldn't be in the same room when the TV was on； not that she
watched it so much before。 I
finally figured it out—she was avoiding everything that might remind her of
him。
〃We could hardly talk； I was so worried about saying something that would
upset her—the littlest things
would make her flinch—and she never volunteered anything。 She would just
answer if I asked her
something。
〃She was alone all the time。 She didn't call her friends back； and after a
while； they stopped calling。
〃It was night of the living dead around here。 I still hear her screaming in
her sleep〃
I could almost see him shuddering。 I shuddered； too； remembering。 And then I
sighed。 I hadn't fooled him
at all； not for one second。
〃I'm so sorry； Charlie；〃 Alice said； voice glum。
〃It's not your fault。〃 The way he said it made it perfectly clear that he was
holding someone responsible。
〃You were always a good friend to her。〃
〃She seems better now； though。〃
〃Yeah。 Ever since she started hanging out with Jacob Black； I've noticed a
real improvement。 She has
some color in her cheeks when she es home； some light in her eyes。 She's
happier。〃 He paused； and
his voice was different when he spoke again。 〃He's a year or so younger than
her； and I know she used
to think of him as a friend； but I think maybe it's something more now； or
headed that direction； anyway。〃
Charlie said this in a tone that was almost belligerent。 It was a warning； not
for Alice； but for her to pass
along。 〃Jake's old for his years；〃 he continued； still sounding defensive。
〃He's taken care of his father
physically the way Bella took care of her mother emotionally。 It matured him。
He's a good…looking kid；
too—takes after his mom's side。 He's good for Bella； you know；〃 Charlie
insisted。
〃Then it's good she has him；〃 Alice agreed。
Charlie sighed out a big gust of air； folding quickly to the lack of
opposition。 〃Okay； so I guess that's
overstating things。 I don't know even with Jacob； now and then I see
something in her eyes； and I
wonder if I've ever grasped how much pain she's really in It's not normal；
Alice； and it it frightens me。
Not normal at all。 Not like someone left her； but like someone died。〃 His
voice cracked。
It was like someone had died—like I had died。 Because it had been more than
just losing the truest of
true loves； as if that were not enough to kill anyone。 It was also losing a
whole future； a whole
family—the whole life that I'd chosen
Charlie went on in a hopeless tone。 〃I don't know if she's going to get over
it—I'm not sure if it's in her
nature to heal from something like this。 She's always been such a constant
little thing。 She doesn't get past
things； change her mind。〃
〃She's one of a kind；〃 Alice agreed in a dry voice。
〃And Alice〃 Charlie hesitated。 〃Now； you know how fond I am of you； and I
can tell that she's happy
to see you； but I'm a little worried about what your visit will do to her。〃
〃So am I； Charlie； so am I。 I wouldn't have e if I'd had any idea。 I'm
sorry。〃
〃Don't apologize； honey。 Who knows？ Maybe it will be good for her。〃
〃I hope you're right。〃
There was a long break while forks scraped plates and Charlie chewed。 I
wondered where Alice was
hiding the food。
〃Alice； I have to ask you something；〃 Charlie said awkwardly。
Alice was calm。 〃Go ahead。〃
〃He's not ing back to visit； too； is he？〃 I could hear the suppressed anger
in Charlie's voice。
Alice answered in a soft； reassuring tone。 〃He doesn't even know I'm here。 The
last time I spoke with
him； he was in South America。〃
I stiffened as I heard this new information； and listened harder。
〃That's something