4 breaking dawn破晓- 第28部分

I　left　out　the　part　about　how　that　wouldn't　be　necessary　this　time。　

Struggling　to　make　my　voice　softer；　I　asked；　〃Remember　when　I　got　mangled　up　by　those　newborns？　
What　did　you　tell　me？〃　

I　waited；　but　she　wouldn't　answer。　She　pressed　her　lips　together。　

〃You　told　me　to　be　good　and　listen　to　Carlisle；〃　I　reminded　her。　〃And　what　did　I　do？　I　listened　to　the　
vampire。　For　

you。〃　

〃You　listened　because　it　was　the　right　thing　to　do。〃　

〃Okay—pick　either　reason。〃　




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She　took　a　deep　breath。　〃It's　not　the　right　thing　now。〃　Her　gaze　touched　her　big　round　stomach　and　she　
whispered　under　her　breath；　〃I　won't　kill　him。〃　

My　hands　shook　again。　〃Oh；　I　hadn't　heard　the　great　news。　A　bouncing　baby　boy；　huh？　Shoulda　brought　
some　blueballoons。〃　

Her　face　turned　pink。　The　color　was　so　beautiful—it　twisted　in　my　stomach　like　a　knife。　A　serrated　
knife；　rusty　and　ragged。　

I　was　going　to　lose　this。　Again。　

〃I　don't　know　he's　a　boy；〃　she　admitted；　a　little　sheepish。　〃The　ultrasound　wouldn't　work。　The　membrane　
around　the　baby　is　too　hard—like　their　skin。　So　he's　a　little　mystery。　But　I　always　see　a　boy　in　my　head。〃　

〃It's　not　some　pretty　baby　in　there；　Bella。〃　

〃We'll　see；〃　she　said。　Almost　smug。　

〃You　won't；〃　I　snarled。　

〃You're　very　pessimistic；　Jacob。　There　is　definitely　a　chance　that　I　might　walk　away　from　this。〃　

I　couldn't　answer。　I　looked　down　and　breathed　deep　and　slow；　trying　to　get　a　grip　on　my　fury。　

〃Jake；〃　she　said；　and　she　patted　my　hair；　stroked　my　cheek。　〃It's　going　to　be　okay。　Shh。　it's　okay。〃　

I　didn't　look　up。　〃No。　It　will　not　be　okay。〃　

She　wiped　something　wet　from　my　cheek。　〃Shh。〃　

〃What's　the　deal；　Bella？〃　I　stared　at　the　pale　carpet。　My　bare　feet　were　dirty；　leaving　smudges。　Good。　〃I　
thought　the　whole　point　was　that　you　wanted　your　vampire　more　than　anything。　And　now　you're　just　
giving　him　up？　That　doesn't　make　any　sense。　Since　when　are　you　desperate　to　be　a　mom？　If　you　wanted　
that　so　much；　why　did　you　marry　a　vampire？〃　

I　was　dangerously　close　to　that　offer　he　wanted　me　to　make。　I　could　see　the　words　taking　me　that　way；　
but　I　couldn't　change　their　direction。　

She　sighed。　〃It's　not　like　that。　I　didn't　really　care　about　having　a　baby。　I　didn't　even　think　about　it。　It's　not　
just　having　a　baby。　It's。。。　well。。。　this　baby。〃　

〃It's　a　killer；　Bella。　Look　at　yourself。〃　

〃He's　not。　It's　me。　I'm　just　weak　and　human。　But　I　can　tough　this　out；　Jake；　I　can—〃　

〃Aw；　e　on！　Shut　up；　Bella。　You　can　spout　this　crap　to　your　bloodsucker；　but　you're　not　fooling　me。　
You　know　you're　not　going　to　make　it。〃　

She　glared　at　me。　〃I　do　not　know　that。　I'm　worried　about　it；　sure。〃　

〃Worriedabout　it；〃　I　repeated　through　my　teeth。　



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She　gasped　then　and　clutched　at　her　stomach。　My　fury　vanished　like　a　light　switch　being　turned　off。　

〃I'm　fine；〃　she　panted。　It's　nothing。〃　

But　I　didn't　hear；　her　hands　had　pulled　her　sweatshirt　to　the　side；　and　I　stared；　horrified；　at　the　skin　it　
exposed。　Her　stomach　looked　like　it　was　stained　with　big　splotches　of　purpleblack　ink。　

She　saw　my　stare；　and　she　yanked　the　fabric　back　in　place。　

〃He's　strong；　that's　all；〃　she　said　defensively。　

The　ink　spots　were　bruises。　

I　almost　gagged；　and　I　understood　what　he'd　said；　about　watching　it　hurt　her。　Suddenly；　I　felt　a　little　
crazy　myself。　

〃Bella；〃　I　said。　

She　heard　the　change　in　my　voice。　She　looked　up；　still　breathing　heavy；　her　eyes　confused。　

〃Bella；　don't　do　this：'　

〃Jake—〃　

〃Listen　to　me。　Don't　get　your　back　up　yet。　Okay？　Just　listen。　What　if。。。　？〃　

〃What　if　what？〃　

〃What　if　this　wasn't　a　oneshot　deal？　What　if　it　wasn't　all　or　nothing？　What　if　you　just　listened　to　Carlisle　
like　a　good　girl；　and　kept　yourself　alive？〃　

〃I　won't—〃　

〃I'm　not　done　yet。　So　you　stay　alive。　Then　you　can　start　over。　This　didn't　work　out。　Try　again。〃　

She　frowned。　She　raised　one　hand　and　touched　the　place　where　my　eyebrows　were　mashing　together。　
Her　fingers　smoothed　my　forehead　for　a　moment　while　she　tried　to　make　sense　of　it。　

〃I　don't　understand。。。。　What　do　you　mean；　try　again？　You　can't　think　Edward　would　let　me。。。　？　And　
what　difference　would　it　make？　I'm　sure　any　baby—〃　

〃Yes；〃　I　snapped。　〃Any　kid　of　his　would　be　the　same。〃　

Her　tired　face　just　got　more　confused。　〃What？〃　

But　I　couldn't　say　any　more。　There　was　no　point。　I　would　never　be　able　to　save　her　from　herself。　I'd　
never　been　able　to　do　that。　

Then　she　blinked；　and　I　could　see　she　got　it。　




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〃Oh。　Ugh。　Please；　Jacob。　You　think　I　should　kill　my　baby　and　replace　it　with　some　generic　substitute？　
Artificial　insemination？〃　She　was　mad　now。　〃Why　would　I　want　to　have　some　stranger's　baby？　I　suppose　
it　just　doesn't　make　a　difference？　Any　baby　will　do？〃　

〃I　didn't　mean　that；〃　I　muttered。　〃Not　a　stranger。〃　

She　leaned　forward。　〃Then　what　are　you　saying？〃　

〃Nothing。　I'm　saying　nothing。　Same　as　ever。〃　

〃Where　did　that　e　from？〃　

〃Forget　it；　Bella。〃　

She　frowned；　suspicious。　〃Did　he　tell　you　to　say　that？〃　

I　hesitated；　surprised　that　she'd　made　that　leap　so　quick。　〃No。〃　

〃He　did；　didn't　he？〃　

〃No；　really。　He　didn't　say　anything　about　artificial　whatever。〃　

Her　face　softened　then；　and　she　sank　back　against　the　pillows；　looking　exhausted。　She　stared　off　to　the　
side　when　she　spoke；　not　talking　to　me　at　all。　〃He　would　do　anything　forme。　And　I'm　hurting　him　so　
much。。。。　But　what　is　he　thinking？　That　I　would　trade　this〃—her　hand　traced　across　her　belly—〃for　some　
stranger's　。。。〃　She　mumbled　the　last　part；　and　then　her　voice　trailed　off。　Her　eyes　were　wet。　

〃You　don't　have　to　hurt　him；〃　I　whispered。　It　burned　like　poison　in　my　mouth　to　beg　for　him；　but　I　knew　
this　angle　was　probably　my　best　bet　for　keeping　her　alive。　Still　a　thousandtoone　odds。　〃You　could　
make　him　happy　again；　Bella。　And　I　really　think　he's　losing　it。　Honestly；　I　do。〃　

She　didn't　seem　to　be　listening；　her　hand　made　small　circles　on　her　battered　stomach　while　she　chewed　
on　her　lip。　It　was　quiet　for　a　long　time。　I　wondered　if　the　Cullens　were　very　far　away。　Were　they　listening　
to　my　pathetic　attempts　to　reason　with　her？　

〃Not　a　stranger？〃　she　murmured　to　herself。　I　flinched。　〃What　exactly　did　Edward　say　to　you？〃　she　asked　
in　a　low　voice。　

〃Nothing。　He　just　thought　you　might　listen　to　me。〃　

〃Not　that。　About　trying　again。〃　

Her　eyes　locked　on　mine；　and　I　could　see　that　I'd　already　given　too　much　away。　

〃Nothing。〃　

Her　mouth　fell　open　a　little。　〃Wow。〃　

It　was　silent　for　a　few　heartbeats。　I　looked　down　at　my　feet　again；　unable　to　meet　her　stare。　

〃He　really　would　do　anything；　wouldn't　he？〃　she　whispered。　



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〃I　told　you　he　was　going　crazy。　Literally；　Bells。〃　

〃I'm　surprised　you　didn't　tell　on　him　right　away。　Get　him　in　trouble。〃　

When　I　looked　up；　she　was　grinning。　

〃Thought　about　it。〃　I　tried　to　grin　back；　but　I　could　feel　the　smile　mangle　on　my　face。　

She　knew　what　I　was　offering；　and　she　wasn't　going　to　think　twice　about　it。　I'd　known　that　she　wouldn't。　
But　it　still　stung。　

〃There　isn't　much　you　wouldn't　do　for　me；　either；　is　there？〃　she　whispered。　〃I　really　don't　know　why　you　
bother。　I　don't　deserve　either　of　you。〃　

〃It　makes　no　difference；　though；　does　it？〃　

〃Not　this　time。〃　She　sighed。　〃I　wish　I　could　explain　it　to　you　right　so　that　you　would　understand。　I　can't　
hurthim〃—she　pointed　to　her　stomach—〃any　more　than　I　could　pick　up　a　gun　and　shoot　you。　I　love　
him。〃　

〃Why　do　you　always　have　to　love　the　wrong　things；　Bella？〃　

〃I　don't　think　I　do。〃　

I　cleared　the　lump　out　of　my　throat　so　that　I　could　make　my　voice　hard　like　I　wanted　it。　'Trust　me。〃　

I　started　to　get　to　my　feet。　

〃Where　are　you　going？〃　

〃I'm　not　doing　any　good　here。〃　

She　held　out　her　thin　hand；　pleading。　〃Don't　go。〃　

I　could　feel　the　addiction　sucking　at　me；　trying　to　keep　me　near　her。　

〃I　don't　belong　here。　I've　got　to　get　back。〃　

〃Why　did　you　e　today？〃　she　asked；　still　reaching　limply。　

〃Just　to　see　if　you　were　really　alive。　I　didn't　believe　you　were　sick　like　Charlie　said。〃　

I　couldn't　tell　from　her　face　whether　she　bought　that　or　not。　

〃Will　you　e　back　again？　Before　。。。〃　

〃I'm　not　going　to　hang　around　and　watch　you　die；Bella。〃　

She　flinched。　〃You're　right；　you're　right。　You　should　go。〃　




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I　headed　for　the　door。　

〃Bye；〃　she　whispered　behind　me。　〃Love　you；　Jake。〃　

I　almost　went　back。　I　almost　turned　around　and　fell　down　on　my　knees　and　started　begging　again。　But　I　
knew　that　I　had　to　quitBella；　quit　her　cold　turkey；　before　she　killed　me；　like　she　was　going　to　kill　him。　

〃Sure；　sure；〃　I　mumbled　on　my　way　out。　

I　didn't　see　any　of　the　vampires。　I　ignored　my　bike；　standing　all　alone　in　the　middle　of　the　meadow。　It　
wasn't　fast　enough　for　me　now。　My　dad　would　be　freaked　out—Sam；　too。　What　would　the　pack　make　
of　the　fact　that　they　hadn't　heard　me　phase？　Would　they　think　the　Cullens　got　me　before　I'd　had　the　
chance？　I　stripped　down；　not　caring　who　might　be　watching；　and　started　running。　I　blurred　into　wolf　
midstride。　

They　were　waiting。　Of　course　they　were。　

Jacob；　Jake；eight　voices　chorused　in　relief。　

e　homenow；　the　Alpha　voice　ordered。　Sam　was　furious。　

I　felt　Paul　fade　out；　and　i　knew　Billy　and　Rachel　were　waiting　to　hear　what　had　happened　to　me。　Paul　
was　too　anxious　to　give　them　the　good　news　that　I　wasn't　vampire　chow　to　listen　to　the　whole　story。　

I　didn't　have　to　tell　the　pack　I　was　on　my　way—they　could　see　the　forest　blurring　past　me　as　I　sprinted　
for　home。　I　didn't　have　to　tell　them　that　I　was　halfpast　crazy；　either。　The　sickness　in　my　head　was　
obvious。　

They　saw　all　the　horror—Bella's　mottled　stomach；　her　raspy　voice；　he's　strong；　that's　all：　the　burning　
man　in　Edward's　face：　watching　her　s