4 breaking dawn破晓- 第4部分

I　tapped　my　foot；　counting　each　beat。　Before　I　got　to　thirty；　Alice　said；　〃Okay；　Bella；　e　in！〃　

Moving　with　caution；　I　rounded　the　little　corner　into　our　living　room。　

〃Oh；〃　I　huffed。　〃Aw。　Dad。　Don't　you　look—〃　

〃Silly？〃　Charlie　interrupted。　

〃I　was　thinking　more　like　debonair〃　

Charlie　blushed。　Alice　took　his　elbow　and　tugged　him　around　into　a　slow　spin　to　showcase　the　pale　gray　
tux。　



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〃Now　cut　that　out；　Alice。　I　look　like　an　idiot。〃　

〃No　one　dressed　by　me　ever　looks　like　an　idiot。〃　

〃She's　right；　Dad。　You　look　fabulous！　What's　the　occasion？〃　

Alice　rolled　her　eyes。　〃It's　the　final　check　on　the　fit。　For　both　of　you。〃　

I　peeled　my　gaze　off　the　unusually　elegant　Charlie　for　the　first　time　and　saw　the　dreaded　white　garment　
bag　laid　carefully　across　the　sofa。　

〃Aaah。〃　

〃Go　to　your　happy　place；　Bella。　It　won't　take　long。〃　

I　sucked　in　a　deep　breath　and　closed　my　eyes。　Keeping　them　shut；　I　stumbled　my　way　up　the　stairs　to　
my　room。　I　stripped　down　to　my　underwear　and　held　my　arms　straight　out。　

〃You'd　think　I　was　shoving　bamboo　splinters　under　your　nails；〃　Alice　muttered　to　herself　as　she　followed　
me　in。　

I　paid　no　attention　to　her。　I　was　in　my　happy　place。　

In　my　happy　place；　the　whole　wedding　mess　was　over　and　done。　Behind　me。　Already　repressed　and　
forgotten。　

We　were　alone；　just　Edward　and　me。　The　setting　was　fuzzy　and　constantly　in　flux—it　morphed　from　
misty　forest　to　cloudcovered　city　to　arctic　night—because　Edward　was　keeping　the　location　of　our　
honeymoon　a　secret　to　surprise　me。　But　I　wasn't　especially　concerned　about　the　where　part。　

Edward　and　I　were　together；　and　I'd　fulfilled　my　side　of　our　promise　perfectly。　I'd　married　him。　That　
was　the　big　one。　But　I'd　also　accepted　all　his　outrageous　gifts　and　was　registered；　however　futilely；　to　
attend　Dartmouth　College　in　the　fall。　Now　it　was　his　turn。　

Before　he　turned　me　into　a　vampire—his　big　promise—he　had　one　other　stipulation　to　make　good　
on。　

Edward　had　an　obsessive　sort　of　concern　over　the　human　things　that　I　would　be　giving　up；　the　
experiences　he　didn't　want　me　to　miss。　Most　of　them—like　the　prom；　for　example—seemed　silly　to　me。　
There　was　only　one　human　experience　I　worried　about　missing。　Of　course　it　would　be　the　one　he　wished　
I　would　forget　pletely。　

Here　was　the　thing；　though。　I　knew　a　little　about　what　I　was　going　to　be　like　when　I　wasn't　human　
anymore。　I'd　seen　newborn　vampires　firsthand；　and　I'd　heard　all　my　familytobe's　stories　about　those　
wild　early　days。　For　several　years；　my　biggest　personality　trait　was　going　to　be　thirsty；　it　would　take　
some　time　before　I　could　be　me　again。　And　even　when　I　was　in　control　of　myself；　I　would　never　feel　
exactly　the　way　I　felt　now。　

Human。。。　and　passionately　in　love。　




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I　wanted　the　plete　experience　before　I　traded　in　my　warm；　breakable；　pheromoneriddled　body　for　
something　beautiful；　strong。。。　and　unknown。　I　wanted　a　real　honeymoon　with　Edward。　And；　despite　the　
danger　he　feared　this　would　put　me　in；　he'd　agreed　to　try。　

I　was　only　vaguely　aware　of　Alice　and　the　slip　and　slide　of　satin　over　my　skin。　I　didn't　care；　for　the　
moment；　that　the　whole　town　was　talking　about　me。　I　didn't　think　about　the　spectacle　I　would　have　to　
star　in　much　too　soon。　I　didn't　worry　about　tripping　on　my　train　or　giggling　at　the　wrong　moment　or　being　
too　young　or　the　staring　audience　or　even　the　empty　seat　where　my　best　friend　should　be。　

I　was　with　Edward　in　my　happy　place。　

2。　LONG　NIGHT　

〃I　miss　you　already。〃　

〃I　don't　need　to　leave。　I　can　stay___〃　

〃Mmm。〃　

It　was　quiet　for　a　long　moment；　just　the　thud　of　my　heart　hammering；　the　broken　rhythm　of　our　ragged　
breathing；　and　the　whisper　of　our　lips　moving　in　synchronization。　

Sometimes　it　was　so　easy　to　forget　that　I　was　kissing　a　vampire。　Not　because　he　seemed　ordinary　or　
human—I　could　never　for　a　second　forget　that　I　was　holding　someone　more　angel　than　man　in　my　
arms—but　because　he　made　it　seem　like　nothing　at　all　to　have　his　lips　against　my　lips；　my　face；　my　throat。　
He　claimed　he　was　long　past　the　temptation　my　blood　used　to　be　for　him；　that　the　idea　of　losing　me　had　
cured　him　of　any　desire　for　it。　But　I　knew　the　smell　of　my　blood　still　caused　him　pain—still　burned　his　
throat　like　he　was　inhaling　flames。　

I　opened　my　eyes　and　found　his　open；　too；　staring　at　my　face。　It　made　no　sense　when　he　looked　at　me　
that　way。　Like　I　was　the　prize　rather　than　the　outrageously　lucky　winner。　

Our　gazes　locked　for　a　moment；　his　golden　eyes　were　so　deep　that　I　imagined　I　could　see　all　the　way　
into　his　soul。　It　seemed　silly　that　this　fact—the　existence　of　his　soul—had　ever　been　in　question；　even　if　
he　was　a　vampire。　He　had　the　most　beautiful　soul；　more　beautiful　than　his　brilliant　mind　or　his　
inparable　face　or　his　glorious　body。　

He　looked　back　at　me　as　if　he　could　see　my　soul；　too；　and　as　if　he　liked　what　he　saw。　

He　couldn't　see　into　my　mind；　though；　the　way　he　saw　into　everyone　else's。　Who　knew　why—some　
strange　glitch　in　my　brain　that　made　it　immune　to　all　the　extraordinary　and　frightening　things　some　
immortals　could　do。　（Only　my　mind　was　immune；　my　body　was　still　subject　to　vampires　with　abilities　that　
worked　in　ways　other　than　Edward's。）　But　I　was　seriously　grateful　to　whatever　malfunction　it　was　that　
kept　my　thoughts　a　secret。　It　was　just　too　embarrassing　to　consider　the　alternative。　

I　pulled　his　face　to　mine　again。　

〃Definitely　staying；〃　he　murmured　a　moment　later。　

〃No；　no。　It's　your　bachelor　party。　You　have　to　go。〃　




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I　said　the　words；　but　the　fingers　of　my　right　hand　locked　into　his　bronze　hair；　my　left　pressed　tighter　
against　the　small　of　his　back。　His　cool　hands　stroked　my　face。　

〃Bachelor　parties　are　designed　for　those　who　are　sad　to　see　the　passing　of　their　single　days。　I　couldn't　be　
more　eager　to　have　mine　behind　me。　So　there's　really　no　point。〃　

〃True。〃　I　breathed　against　the　wintercold　skin　of　his　throat。　

This　was　pretty　close　to　my　happy　place。　Charlie　slept　obliviously　in　his　room；　which　was　almost　as　
good　as　being　alone。　We　were　curled　up　on　my　small　bed；　intertwined　as　much　as　it　was　possible；　
considering　the　thick　afghan　I　was　swathed　in　like　a　cocoon。　I　hated　the　necessity　of　the　blanket；　but　it　
sort　of　ruined　the　romance　when　my　teeth　started　chattering。　Charlie　would　notice　if　I　turned　the　heat　on　
in　August___　

At　least；　if　　had　to　be　bundled　up；　Edward's　shirt　was　on　the　floor。　I　never　got　over　the　shock　of　how　
perfect　his　body　was—white；　cool；　and　polished　as　marble。　I　ran　my　hand　down　his　stone　chest　now；　
tracing　across　the　flat　planes　of　his　stomach；　just　marveling。　A　light　shudder　rippled　through　him；　and　his　
mouth　found　mine　again。　Carefully；　I　let　the　tip　of　my　tongue　press　against　his　glasssmooth　lip；　and　he　
sighed。　His　sweet　breath　washed—cold　and　delicious—over　my　face。　

He　started　to　pull　away—that　was　his　automatic　response　whenever　he　decided　things　had　gone　too　far；　
his　reflex　reaction　whenever　he　most　wanted　to　keep　going。　Edward　had　spent　most　of　his　life　rejecting　
any　kind　of　physical　gratification。　I　knew　it　was　terrifying　to　him　trying　to　change　those　habits　now。　

〃Wait；〃　I　said；　gripping　his　shoulders　and　hugging　myself　close　to　him。　I　kicked　one　leg　free　and　wrapped　
it　around　his　waist。　〃Practice　makes　perfect。〃　

He　chuckled。　〃Well；　we　should　be　fairly　close　to　perfection　by　this　point；　then；　shouldn't　we？　Have　you　
slept　at　all　in　the　last　month？〃　

〃But　this　is　the　dress　rehearsal；〃　I　reminded　him；　〃and　we've　only　practiced　certain　scenes。　It's　no　time　
for　playing　safe。〃　

I　thought　he　would　laugh；　but　he　didn't　answer；　and　his　body　was　motionless　with　sudden　stress。　The　
gold　in　his　eyes　seemed　to　harden　from　a　liquid　to　a　solid。　

I　thought　over　my　words；　realized　what　he　would　have　heard　in　them。　

〃Bella。。。；〃　he　whispered。　

〃Don't　start　this　again；〃　I　said。　〃A　deal's　a　deal。〃　

〃I　don't　know。　It's　too　hard　to　concentrate　when　you're　with　me　like　this。　I—I　can't　think　straight。　I　won't　
be　able　to　control　myself。　You'll　get　hurt。〃　

〃I'll　be　fine。〃　

〃Bella　。　。。〃　

〃Shh！〃　I　pressed　my　lips　to　his　to　stop　his　panic　attack。　I'd　heard　it　before。　He　wasn't　getting　out　of　this　
deal。　Not　after　insisting　I　marry　him　first。　



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He　kissed　me　back　for　a　moment；　but　I　could　tell　he　wasn't　as　into　it　as　before。　Worrying；　always　
worrying。　How　different　it　would　be　when　he　didn't　need　to　worry　about　me　anymore。　What　would　he　do　
with　all　his　free　time？　He'd　have　to　get　a　new　hobby。　

〃How　are　your　feet？〃　he　asked。　

Knowing　he　didn't　mean　that　literally；　I　answered；　Toasty　warm。〃　

〃Really？　No　second　thoughts？　It's　not　too　late　to　change　your　mind。〃　

〃Are　you　trying　to　ditch　me？〃　

He　chuckled。　〃Just　making　sure。　I　don't　want　you　to　do　anything　you're　not　sure　about。〃　

〃I'm　sure　about　you。　The　rest　I　can　live　through。〃　

He　hesitated；　and　I　wondered　if　I'd　put　my　foot　in　my　mouth　again。　

〃Can　you？〃　he　asked　quietly。　〃I　don't　mean　the　wedding—which　I　am　positive　you　will　survive　despite　
your　qualms—but　afterward。。。　what　about　Renee；　what　about　Charlie？〃　

I　sighed。　〃I'll　miss　them。〃　Worse；　that　they　would　miss　me；　but　I　didn't　want　to　give　him　any　fuel。　

〃Angela　and　Ben　and　Jessica　and　Mike。〃　

〃I'll　miss　my　friends；　too。〃　I　smiled　in　the　darkness。　〃Especially　Mike。　Oh；　Mike！　How　will　I　go　on？〃　

He　growled。　

I　laughed　but　then　was　serious。　〃Edward；　we've　been　through　this　and　through　this。　I　know　it　will　be　
hard；　but　this　is　what　I　want。　I　want　you；　and　I　want　you　forever。　One　lifetime　is　simply　not　enough　for　
me。〃　

〃Frozen　forever　at　eighteen；〃　he　whispered。　

〃Every　woman's　dream　e　true；〃　I　teased。　

〃Never　changing。。。　never　moving　forward。〃　

〃What　does　that　mean？〃　

He　answered　slowly。　〃Do　you　remember