4 breaking dawn破晓- 第94部分

I　heard　the　music　before　I　was　out　of　the　car。　Edward　hadn't　touched　his　piano　since　the　night　Alice　left。　
Now；　as　I　shut　the　car　door；　I　heard　the　song　morph　through　a　bridge　and　change　into　my　lullaby。　
Edward　was　weling　me　home。　

I　moved　slowly　as　I　pulled　Renesmee—fast　asleep；　we'd　been　gone　all　day—from　the　car。　We'd　left　
Jacob　at　Charlie's—he'd　said　he　was　going　to　catch　a　ride　home　with　Sue。　I　wondered　if　he　was　trying　to　
fill　his　head　with　enough　trivia　to　crowd　out　the　image　of　the　way　my　face　had　looked　when　I'd　walked　
through　Charlie's　door。　

As　I　walked　slowly　to　the　Cullen　house　now；　I　recognized　that　the　hope　and　uplift　that　seemed　almost　a　
visible　aura　around　the　big　white　house　had　been　mine　this　morning；　too。　It　felt　alien　to　me　now。　

I　wanted　to　cry　again；　hearing　Edward　play　for　me。　But　I　pulled　it　together。　I　didn't　want　him　to　be　
suspicious。　I　would　leave　no　clues　in　his　mind　for　Aro　if　I　could　help　it。　

Edward　turned　his　head　and　smiled　when　I　came　in　the　door；　but　kept　playing。　

〃Wele　home；〃　he　said；　as　if　this　was　just　any　normal　day。　As　if　there　weren't　twelve　other　vampires　
in　the　room　involved　in　various　pursuits；　and　a　dozen　more　scattered　around　somewhere。　〃Did　you　have　a　
good　time　with　Charlie　today？〃　

〃Yes。　Sorry　I　was　gone　so　long。　I　stepped　out　to　do　a　little　Christmas　shopping　for　Renesmee。　I　know　it　
won't　be　much　of　an　event；　but。。。〃　I　shrugged。　

Edward's　lips　turned　down。　He　quit　playing　and　spun　around　on　the　bench　so　that　his　whole　body　was　
facing　me。　He　put　one　hand　on　my　waist　and　pulled　me　closer。　〃I　hadn't　thought　much　about　it。　If　you　
want　to　make　an　event　of　it—〃　

〃No；〃　I　interrupted　him。　I　flinched　internally　at　the　idea　of　trying　to　fake　more　enthusiasm　than　the　bare　
minimum。　〃I　just　didn't　want　to　let　it　pass　without　giving　her　something。〃　

〃Do　I　get　to　see？〃　

〃If　you　want。　It's　only　a　little　thing。〃　

Renesmee　was　pletely　unconscious；　snoring　delicately　against　my　neck。　I　envied　her。　It　would　have　
been　nice　to　escape　reality；　even　for　just　a　few　hours。　

Carefully；　I　fished　the　little　velvet　jewelry　bag　from　my　clutch　without　opening　the　purse　enough　for　
Edward　to　see　the　cash　I　was　still　carrying。　

〃It　caught　my　eye　from　the　window　of　an　antique　store　while　I　was　driving　by。〃　

I　shook　the　little　golden　locket　into　his　palm。　It　was　round　with　a　slender　vine　border　carved　around　the　
outside　edge　of　the　circle。　Edward　popped　the　tiny　catch　and　looked　inside。　There　was　space　for　a　small　
picture　and；　on　the　opposite　side；　an　inscription　in　French。　

〃Do　you　know　what　this　says？〃　he　asked　in　a　different　tone；　more　subdued　than　before。　

〃The　shopkeeper　told　me　it　said　something　along　the　lines　of　'more　than　my　own　life。'　Is　that　right？〃　



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〃Yes；　he　had　it　right。〃　

He　looked　up　at　me；　his　topaz　eyes　probing。　I　met　his　gaze　for　a　moment；　then　pretended　to　be　
distracted　by　the　television。　

〃I　hope　she　likes　it；〃　I　muttered。　

〃Of　course　she　will；〃　he　said　lightly；　casually；　and　I　was　sure　in　that　second　that　he　knew　I　was　keeping　
something　from　him。　I　was　also　sure　that　he　had　no　idea　of　the　specifics。　

〃Let's　take　her　home；〃　he　suggested；　standing　and　putting　his　arm　around　my　shoulders。　

I　hesitated。　

〃What？〃　he　demanded。　

〃I　wanted　to　practice　with　Emmett　a　little___〃　I'd　lost　the　whole　day　to　my　vital　errand；　it　made　me　feel　
behind。　

Emmett—on　the　sofa　with　Rose　and　holding　the　remote；　of　course—looked　up　and　grinned　in　
anticipation。　〃Excellent。　The　forest　needs　thinning。〃　

Edward　frowned　at　Emmett　and　then　at　me。　

〃There's　plenty　of　time　for　that　tomorrow；〃　he　said。　

〃Don't　be　ridiculous；〃　I　plained。　〃There's　no　such　thing　as　plenty　of　time　anymore。　That　concept　
does　not　exist。　I　have　a　lot　to　learn　and—〃　

He　cut　me　off。　〃Tomorrow。〃　

And　his　expression　was　such　that　not　even　Emmett　argued。　

i　was　surprised　at　how　hard　it　was　to　go　back　to　a　routine　that　was；　after　all；　brand　new。　But　stripping　
away　even　that　little　bit　of　hope　I'd　been　fostering　made　everything　seem　impossible。　

I　tried　to　focus　on　the　positives。　There　was　a　good　chance　that　my　daughter　was　going　to　survive　what　
was　

ing；　and　Jacob；　too。　If　they　had　a　future；　then　that　was　a　kind　of　victory；　wasn't　it？　Our　little　band　
must　be　going　to　hold　their　own　if　Jacob　and　Renesmee　were　going　to　have　the　opportunity　to　run　in　the　
first　place。　Yes；　Alice's　strategy　only　made　sense　if　we　were　going　to　put　up　a　really　good　fight。　So；　a　
kind　of　victory　there；　too；　considering　that　the　Volturi　had　never　been　seriously　challenged　in　millennia。　

It　was　not　going　to　be　the　end　of　the　world。　Just　the　end　of　the　Cullens。　The　end　of　Edward；　the　end　of　
me。　

I　preferred　it　that　way—the　last　part　anyway。　I　would　not　live　without　Edward　again；　if　he　was　leaving　
this　world；　then　I　would　be　right　behind　him。　




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I　wondered　idly　now　and　then　if　there　would　be　anything　for　us　on　the　other　side。　I　knew　Edward　didn't　
really　believe　so；　but　Carlisle　did。　I　couldn't　imagine　it　myself。　On　the　other　hand；　I　couldn't　imagine　
Edward　not　existing　somehow；　somewhere。　If　we　could　be　together　in　any　place；　then　that　was　a　happy　
ending。　

And　so　the　pattern　of　my　days　continued；　just　that　much　harder　than　before。　

We　went　to　see　Charlie　on　Christmas　Day；　Edward；　Renesmee；　Jacob；　and　I。　All　of　Jacob's　pack　were　
there；　plus　Sam；　Emily；　and　Sue。　It　was　a　big　help　to　have　them　there　in　Charlie's　little　rooms；　their　huge；　
warm　bodies　wedged　into　corners　around　his　sparsely　decorated　tree—you　could　see　exactly　where　he'd　
gotten　bored　and　quit—and　overflowing　his　furniture。　You　could　always　count　on　werewolves　to　be　
buzzed　about　a　ing　fight；　no　matter　how　suicidal。　The　electricity　of　their　excitement　provided　a　nice　
current　that　disguised　my　utter　lack　of　spirit。　Edward　was；　as　always；　a　better　actor　than　I　was。　

Renesmee　wore　the　locket　I'd　given　her　at　dawn；　and　in　her　jacket　pocket　was　the　MP3　player　Edward　
had　given　her—a　tiny　thing　that　held　five　thousand　songs；　already　filled　with　Edward's　favorites。　On　her　
wrist　was　an　intricately　braided　Quileute　version　of　a　promise　ring。　Edward　had　gritted　his　teeth　over　that　
one；　but　it　didn't　bother　me。　

Soon；　so　soon；　I　would　be　giving　her　to　Jacob　for　safekeeping。　How　could　I　be　bothered　by　any　symbol　
of　the　mitment　I　was　so　relying　on？　

Edward　had　saved　the　day　by　ordering　a　gift　for　Charlie；　too。　It　had　shown　up　yesterday—priority　
overnight　shipping—and　Charlie　spent　all　morning　reading　the　thick　instruction　manual　to　his　new　fishing　
sonar　system。　

From　the　way　the　werewolves　ate；　Sue's　lunch　spread　must　have　been　good。　I　wondered　how　the　
gathering　would　have　looked　to　an　outsider。　Did　we　play　our　parts　well　enough？　Would　a　stranger　have　
thought　us　a　happy　circle　of　friends；　enjoying　the　holiday　with　casual　cheer？　

I　think　Edward　and　Jacob　both　were　as　relieved　as　I　was　when　it　was　time　to　go。　It　felt　odd　to　spend　
energy　on　the　human　fagade　when　there　were　so　many　more　important　things　to　be　doing。　I　had　a　hard　
time　concentrating。　At　the　same　time；　this　was　perhaps　the　last　time　I　would　see　Charlie。　Maybe　it　was　a　
good　thing　that　I　was　too　numb　to　really　register　that。　

I　hadn't　seen　my　mother　since　the　wedding；　but　I　found　I　could　only　be　glad　for　the　gradual　distancing　
that　had　begun　two　years　ago。　She　was　too　fragile　for　my　world。　I　didn't　want　her　to　have　any　part　of　
this。　Charlie　was　stronger。　

Maybe　even　strong　enough　for　a　goodbye　now；　but　I　wasn't。　

It　was　very　quiet　in　the　car；　outside；　the　rain　was　just　a　mist；　hovering　on　the　edge　between　liquid　and　
ice。　Renesmee　sat　on　my　lap；　playing　with　her　locket；　opening　and　closing　it。　I　watched　her　and　imagined　
the　things　I　would　say　to　Jacob　right　now　if　I　didn't　have　to　keep　my　words　out　of　Edward's　head。　

If　its　ever　safe　again；　take　her　to　Charlie。　Tell　him　the　whole　story　someday。　Tell　him　how　much　I　loved　
him；　how　I　couldn't　bear　to　leave　him　even　when　my　human　life　was　over。　Tell　him　he　was　the　best　father。　
Tell　him　to　pass　my　love　on　to　Renee；　all　my　hopes　that　she　will　be　happy　and　well。。。。　

I　would　have　to　give　Jacob　the　documents　before　it　was　too　late。　I　would　give　him　a　note　for　Charlie；　
too。　And　a　letter　for　Renesmee。　Something　for　her　to　read　when　I　couldn't　tell　her　I　loved　her　anymore。　



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There　was　nothing　unusual　about　the　outside　of　the　Cullen　house　as　we　pulled　into　the　meadow；　but　I　
could　hear　some　kind　of　subtle　uproar　inside。　Many　low　voices　murmured　and　growled。　It　sounded　
intense；　and　it　sounded　like　an　argument。　I　could　pick　out　Carlisle's　voice　and　Amun's　more　often　than　the　
others。　

Edward　parked　in　front　of　the　house　rather　than　going　around　to　the　garage。　We　exchanged　one　wary　
glance　before　we　got　out　of　the　car。　

Jacob's　stance　changed；　his　face　turned　serious　and　careful。　I　guessed　that　he　was　in　Alpha　mode　now。　
Obviously；　something　had　happened；　and　he　was　going　to　get　the　information　he　and　Sam　would　need。　

〃Alistair　is　gone；〃　Edward　murmured　as　we　darted　up　the　steps。　

Inside　the　front　room；　the　main　confrontation　was　physically　apparent。　Lining　the　walls　was　a　ring　of　
spectators；　every　vampire　who　had　joined　us；　except　for　Alistair　and　the　three　involved　in　the　quarrel。　
Esme；　Kebi；　and　Tia　were　the　closest　to　the　three　vampires　in　the　center；　in　the　middle　of　the　room；　
Amun　was　hissing　at　Carlisle　and　Benjamin。　

Edward's　jaw　tightened　and　he　moved　quickly　to　Esme's　side；　towing　me　by　the　hand。　I　clutched　
Renesmee　tightly　to　my　chest。　

〃Amun；　if　you　want　to　go；　no　one　is　forcing　you　to　stay；〃　Carlisle　said　calmly。　

〃You're　stealing　half　my　coven；　Carlisle！〃　Amun　shrieked；　stabbing　one　finger　at　Benjamin。　〃Is　that　why　
you　called　me　here？　To　steal　from　me？〃　

Carlisle　sighed；　and　Benjamin　rolled　his　eyes。　

〃Yes；　Carlisle　picked　a　fight　with　the　Volturi；　endange