vanished into the shadows the way Edward had gone。
Jasper and I looked at each other。 He stood across the length of the
entryway from me… being careful。
〃You're wrong； you know；〃 he said quietly。
〃What？〃 I gasped。
〃I can feel what you're feeling now — and you are worth it。〃
〃I'm not；〃 I mumbled。 〃If anything happens to them； it will be for
nothing。〃
〃You're wrong；〃 he repeated； smiling kindly at me。
I heard nothing； but then Alice stepped through the front door and came
toward me with her arms held out。
〃May I？〃 she asked。
〃You're the first one to ask permission。〃 I smiled wryly。
She lifted me in her slender arms as easily as Emmett had； shielding me
protectively； and then we flew out the door； leaving the lights bright
behind us。
===========================================================================
20。 IMPATIENCE
When I woke up I was confused。 My thoughts were hazy； still twisted up in
dreams and nightmares； it took me longer than it should have to realize
where I was。
This room was too bland to belong anywhere but in a hotel。 The bedside
lamps； bolted to the tables； were a dead giveaway； as were the long
drapes made from the same fabric as the bedspread； and the generic
watercolor prints on the walls。
I tried to remember how I got here； but nothing came at first。
I did remember the sleek black car； the glass in the windows darker than
that on a limousine。 The engine was almost silent； though we'd raced
across the black freeways at more than twice the legal speed。
And I remembered Alice sitting with me on the dark leather backseat。
Somehow； during the long night； my head had ended up against her granite
neck。 My closeness didn't seem to bother her at all； and her cool； hard
skin was oddly forting to me。 The front of her thin cotton shirt was
cold； damp with the tears that streamed from my eyes until； red and sore；
they ran dry。
Sleep had evaded me； my aching eyes strained open even though the night
finally ended and dawn broke over a low peak somewhere in California。 The
gray light； streaking across the cloudless sky； stung my eyes。 But I
couldn't close them； when I did； the images that flashed all too vividly；
like still slides behind my lids； were unbearable。 Charlie's broken
expression — Edward's brutal snarl； teeth bared — Rosalie's resentful
glare — the keeneyed scrutiny of the tracker — the dead look in Edward's
eyes after he kissed me the last time… I couldn't stand to see them。 So I
fought against my weariness and the sun rose higher。
I was still awake when we came through a shallow mountain pass and the
sun； behind us now； reflected off the tiled rooftops of the Valley of the
Sun。 I didn't have enough emotion left to be surprised that we'd made a
threeday journey in one。 I stared blankly at the wide； flat expanse laid
out in front of me。 Phoenix — the palm trees； the scrubby creosote； the
haphazard lines of the intersecting freeways； the green swaths of golf
courses and turquoise splotches of swimming pools； all submerged in a
thin smog and embraced by the short； rocky ridges that weren't really big
enough to be called mountains。
The shadows of the palm trees slanted across the freeway — defined；
sharper than I remembered； paler than they should be。 Nothing could hide
in these shadows。 The bright； open freeway seemed benign enough。 But I
felt no relief； no sense of homeing。
〃Which way to the airport； Bella？〃 Jasper had asked； and I flinched；
though his voice was quite soft and unalarming。 It was the first sound；
besides the purr of the car； to break the long night's silence。
〃Stay on the Iten；〃 I'd answered automatically。 〃We'll pass right by it。〃
My brain had worked slowly through the fog of sleep deprivation。
〃Are we flying somewhere？〃 I'd asked Alice。
〃No； but it's better to be close； just in case。〃
I remembered beginning the loop around Sky Harbor International… but not
ending it。 I suppose that must have been when I'd fallen asleep。
Though； now that I'd chased the memories down； I did have a vague
impression of leaving the car — the sun was just falling behind the
horizon — my arm draped over Alice's shoulder and her arm firm around my
waist； dragging me along as I stumbled through the warm； dry shadows。
I had no memory of this room。
I looked at the digital clock on the nightstand。 The red numbers claimed
it was three o'clock； but they gave no indication if it was night or day。
No edge of light escaped the thick curtains； but the room was bright with
the light from the lamps。
I rose stiffly and staggered to the window； pulling back the drapes。
It was dark outside。 Three in the morning； then。 My room looked out on a
deserted section of the freeway and the new longterm parking garage for
the airport。 It was slightly forting to be able to pinpoint time and
place。
I looked down at myself。 I was still wearing Esme's clothes； and they
didn't fit very well at all。 I looked around the room； glad when I
discovered my duffel bag on top of the low dresser。
I was on my way to find new clothes when a light tap on the door made me
jump。
〃Can I e in？〃 Alice asked。
I took a deep breath。 〃Sure。〃
She walked in； and looked me over cautiously。 〃You look like you could
sleep longer；〃 she said。
I just shook my head。
She drifted silently to the curtains and closed them securely before
turning back to me。
〃We'll need to stay inside；〃 she told me。
〃Okay。〃 My voice was hoarse； it cracked。
〃Thirsty？〃 she asked。
I shrugged。 〃I'm okay。 How about you？〃
〃Nothing unmanageable。〃 She smiled。 〃I ordered some food for you； it's in
the front room。 Edward reminded me that you have to eat a lot more
frequently than we do。〃
I was instantly more alert。 〃He called？〃
〃No；〃 she said； and watched as my face fell。 〃It was before we left。〃
She took my hand carefully and led me through the door into the living
room of the hotel suite。 I could hear a low buzz of voices ing from
the TV。 Jasper sat motionlessly at the desk in the corner； his eyes
watching the news with no glimmer of interest。
I sat on the floor next to the coffee table； where a tray of food waited；
and began picking at it without noticing what I was eating。
Alice perched on the arm of the sofa and stared blankly at the TV like
Jasper。
I ate slowly； watching her； turning now and then to glance quickly at
Jasper。 It began to dawn on me that they were too still。 They never
looked away from the screen； though mercials were playing now。 I
pushed the tray away； my stomach abruptly uneasy。 Alice looked down at me。
〃What's wrong； Alice？〃 I asked。
〃Nothing's wrong。〃 Her eyes were wide； honest… and I didn't trust them。
〃What do we do now？〃
〃We wait for Carlisle to call。〃
〃And should he have called by now？〃 I could see that I was near the mark。
Alice's eyes flitted from mine to the phone on top of her leather bag and
back。
〃What does that mean？〃 My voice quavered； and I fought to control it。
〃That he hasn't called yet？〃
〃It just means that they don't have anything to tell us。〃
But her voice was too even； and the air was harder to breathe。
Jasper was suddenly beside Alice； closer to me than usual。
〃Bella；〃 he said in a suspiciously soothing voice。 〃You have nothing to
worry about。 You are pletely safe here。〃
〃I know that。〃
〃Then why are you frightened？〃 he asked； confused。 He might feel the
tenor of my emotions； but he couldn't read the reasons behind them。
〃You heard what Laurent said。〃 My voice was just a whisper； but I was
sure they could hear me。 〃He said James was lethal。 What if something
goes wrong； and they get separated？ If something happens to any of them；
Carlisle； Emmett… Edward…〃 I gulped。 〃If that wild female hurts Esme…〃 My
voice had grown higher； a note of hysteria beginning to rise in it。 〃How
could I live with myself when it's my fault？ None of you should be
risking yourselves for me —〃
〃Bella； Bella； stop；〃 he interrupted me； his words pouring out so quickly
they were hard to understand。 〃You're worrying about all the wrong
things； Bella。 Trust me on this — none of us are in jeopardy。 You are
under too much strain as it is； don't add to it with wholly unnecessary
worries。 Listen to me！〃 he ordered； for I had looked away。 〃Our family is
strong。 Our only fear is losing you。〃
〃But why should you —〃
Alice interrupted this time； touching my cheek with her cold fingers。
〃It's been almost a century that Edward's been alone。 Now he's found you。
You can't see the changes that we see； we who have been with him for so
long。 Do you think any of us want to look into his eyes for the next
hundred years if he loses you？〃
My guilt slowly subsided as I looked into her dark eyes。 But； even as the
calm spread over me； I knew I couldn't trust my feelings with Jasper
there。
It was a very long day。
We stayed in the room。 Alice called down to the front desk and asked them
to ignore our maid service for now。 The windows stayed shut； the TV on；
though no one watched it。 At regular intervals； food was delivered for
me。 The silver phone resting on Alice's bag seemed to grow bigger as the
hours passed。
My babysitters handled the suspense better than I did。 As I fidgeted and
paced； they simply grew more still； two statues whose eyes followed me
imperceptibly as I moved。 I occupied myself with memorizing the room； the
striped pattern of the couches； tan； peach； cream； dull gold； and tan
again。 Sometimes I stared at the abstract prints； randomly finding
pictures in the shapes； like I'd found pictures in the clouds as a child。
I traced a blue hand； a woman bing her hair； a cat stretching。 But
when the pale red circle became a staring eye； I looked away。
As the afternoon wore on； I went back to bed； simply for something to do。
I hoped that by myself in the dark； I could give in to the terrible fears
that hovered on the edge of my consciousness； unable to break through
under Jasper's careful supervision。
But Alice followed me casuall