2 new+moon新月- 第35部分

His　eyes　narrowed；　he　let　the　curtain　fall　across　the　glass。　

I　was　prepared　to　stay　as　long　as　it　took；　but　I　wished　I　had　something　to　do。　I　dug　up　a　pen　out　of　the　
bottom　of　my　backpack；　and　an　old　test。　I　started　to　doodle　on　the　back　of　the　scrap。　

I'd　only　had　time　to　scrawl　one　row　of　diamonds　when　there　was　a　sharp　tap　against　my　door。　

I　jumped；　looking　up；　expecting　Billy。　

〃What　are　you　doing　here；　Bella。'〃　Jacob　growled。　

I　stared　at　him　in　blank　astonishment。　

Jacob　had　changed　radically　in　the　last　weeks　since　I'd　seen　him。　The　first　thing　I　noticed　was　his　
hair—his　beautiful　hair　was　all　gone；　cropped　quite　short；　covering　his　head　with　an　inky　gloss　like　black　
satin。　The　planes　of　his　face　seemed　to　have　hardened　subtly；　tightened…　aged。　His　neck　and　his　
shoulders　were　different；　too；　thicker　somehow。　His　hands；　where　they　gripped　the　window　frame；　
looked　enormous；　with　the　tendons　and　veins　more　prominent　under　the　russet　skin。　But　the　physical　
changes　were　insignificant。　

It　was　his　expression　that　made　him　almost　pletely　unrecognizable。　The　open；　friendly　smile　was　gone　
like　the　hair；　the　warmth　in　his　dark　eyes　altered　to　a　brooding　resentment　that　was　instantly　disturbing。　
There　was　a　darkness　in　Jacob　now。　Like　my　sun　had　imploded。　

〃Jacob？〃　I　whispered。　

He　just　stared　at　me；　his　eyes　tense　and　angry。　

I　realized　we　weren't　alone。　Behind　him　stood　four　others；　all　tall　and　russetskinned；　black　hair　chopped　
short　just　like　Jacob's。　They　could　have　been　brothers—I　couldn't　even　pick　Embry　out　of　the　group。　
The　resemblance　was　only　intensified　by　the　strikingly　similar　hostility　in　every　pair　of　eyes。　

Every　pair　but　one。　The　oldest　by　several　years；　Sam　stood　in　the　very　back；　his　face　serene　and　sure。　I　
had　to　swallow　back　the　bile　that　rose　in　my　throat。　I　wanted　to　take　a　swing　at　him。　No；　I　wanted　to　do　
more　than　that。　More　than　anything；　I　wanted　to　be　fierce　and　deadly；　someone　no　one　would　dare　mess　
with。　Someone　who　would　scare　Sam　Uley　silly。　

I　wanted　to　be　a　vampire。　

The　violent　desire　caught　me　off　guard　and　knocked　the　wind　out　of　me。　It　was　the　most　forbidden　of　all　
wishes—even　when　I　only　wished　it　for　a　malicious　reason　like　this；　to　gain　an　advantage　over　an　
enemy—because　it　was　the　most　painful。　That　future　was　lost　to　me　forever；　had　never　really　been　within　
my　grasp。　I　scrambled　to　gain　control　of　myself　while　the　hole　in　my　chest　ached　hollowly。　

〃What　do　you　want？〃　Jacob　demanded；　his　expression　growing　more　resentful　as　he　watched　the　play　of　
emotion　across　my　face。　

〃I　want　to　talk　to　you；〃　I　said　in　a　weak　voice。　I　tried　to　focus；　but　I　was　still　reeling　against　the　escape　of　

my　taboo　dream。　

〃Go　ahead；〃　he　hissed　through　his　teeth。　His　glare　was　vicious。　I'd　never　seen　him　look　at　anyone　like　
that；　least　of　all　me。　It　hurt　with　a　surprising　intensity—a　physical　pain；　a　stabbing　in　my　head。　

〃Alone！〃　I　hissed；　and　my　voice　was　stronger。　

He　looked　behind　him；　and　I　knew　where　his　eyes　would　go。　Every　one　of　them　was　turned　for　Sam's　
reaction。　

Sam　nodded　once；　his　face　unperturbed。　He　made　a　brief　ment　in　an　unfamiliar；　liquid　language—I　
could　only　be　positive　that　it　wasn't　French　or　Spanish；　but　I　guessed　that　it　was　Quileute。　He　turned　and　
walked　into　Jacob's　house。　The　others；　Paul；　Jared；　and　Embry；　I　assumed；　followed　him　in。　

〃Okay。〃　Jacob　seemed　a　bit　less　furious　when　the　others　were　gone。　His　face　was　a　little　calmer；　but　also　
more　hopeless。　His　mouth　seemed　permanently　pulled　down　at　the　corners。　

I　took　a　deep　breath。　〃You　know　what　I　want　to　know。〃　

He　didn't　answer。　He　just　stared　at　me　bitterly。　

I　stared　back　and　the　silence　stretched　on。　The　pain　in　his　face　unnerved　me。　I　felt　a　lump　beginning　to　
build　in　my　throat。　

〃Can　we　walk？〃　I　asked　while　I　could　still　speak。　

He　didn't　respond　in　any　way；　his　face　didn't　change。　

I　got　out　of　the　car；　feeling　unseen　eyes　behind　the　windows　on　me；　and　started　walking　toward　the　trees　
to　the　north。　My　feet　squished　in　the　damp　grass　and　mud　beside　the　road；　and；　as　that　was　the　only　
sound；　at　first　I　thought　he　wasn't　following　me。　But　when　I　glanced　around；　he　was　right　beside　me；　his　
feet　having　somehow　found　a　less　noisy　path　than　mine。　

I　felt　better　in　the　fringe　of　trees；　where　Sam　couldn't　possibly　be　watching。　As　we　walked；　I　struggled　for　
the　right　thing　to　say；　but　nothing　came。　I　just　got　more　and　more　angry　that　Jacob　had　gotten　sucked　
in…　that　Billy　had　allowed　this…　that　Sam　was　able　to　stand　there　so　assured　and　calm…　

Jacob　suddenly　picked　up　the　pace；　striding　ahead　of　me　easily　with　his　long　legs；　and　then　swinging　
around　to　face　me；　planting　himself　in　my　path　so　I　would　have　to　stop　too。　

I　was　distracted　by　the　overt　grace　of　his　movement。　Jacob　had　been　nearly　as　klutzy　as　me　with　his　
neverending　growth　spurt。　When　did　that　changed？　

But　Jacob　didn't　give　me　time　to　think　about　it。　

〃Let's　get　this　over　with；〃　he　said　in　a　hard；　husky　voice。　

I　waited。　He　knew　what　I　wanted。　

〃It's　not　what　you　think。〃　His　voice　was　abruptly　weary。　〃It's　not　what　I　thought—I　was　way　off。〃　

〃So　what　is　it；　then？〃　

He　studied　my　face　for　a　long　moment；　speculating。　The　anger　never　pletely　left　his　eyes。　〃I　can't　tell　
you；〃　he　finally　said。　

My　jaw　tightened；　and　I　spoke　through　my　teeth。　〃I　thought　we　were　friends。〃　

〃We　were。〃　There　was　a　slight　emphasis　on　the　past　tense。　

〃But　you　don't　need　friends　anymore；〃　I　said　sourly。　〃You　have　Sam。　Isn't　that　nice—you've　always　
looked　up　to　him　so　much。〃　

〃I　didn't　understand　him　before。〃　

〃And　now　you've　seen　the　light。　Hallelujah。〃　

〃It　wasn't　like　I　thought　it　was。　This　isn't　Sam's　fault。　He's　helping　me　as　much　as　he　can。〃　His　voice　
turned　brittle　and　he　looked　over　my　head；　past　me；　rage　burning　out　from　his　eyes。　

〃He's　helping　you；〃　I　repeated　dubiously。　〃Naturally。〃　

But　Jacob　didn't　seem　to　be　listening。　He　was　taking　deep；　deliberate　breaths；　trying　to　calm　himself。　He　
was　so　mad　that　his　hands　were　shaking。　

〃Jacob；　please；〃　I　whispered　〃Won't　you　tell　me　what　happened？　Maybe　I　can　help。〃　

〃No　one　can　help　me　now。〃　The　words　were　a　low　moan；　his　voice　broke。　

〃What　did　he　do　to　you？〃　I　demanded；　tears　collecting　in　my　eyes。　I　reached　out　to　him；　as　I　had　once　
before；　stepping　forward　with　my　arms　wide。　

This　time　he　cringed　away；　holding　his　hands　up　defensively。　〃Don't　touch　me；〃　he　whispered。　

〃Is　Sam　catching？〃　I　mumbled。　The　stupid　tears　had　escaped　the　corners　of　my　eyes。　I　wiped　them　away　
with　the　back　of　my　hand；　and　folded　my　arms　across　my　chest。　

〃Stop　blaming　Sam。〃　The　words　came　out　fast；　like　a　reflex。　His　hands　reached　up　to　twist　around　the　
hair　that　was　no　longer　there；　and　then　fell　limply　at　his　sides。　

〃Then　who　should　I　blame？〃　I　retorted。　

He　halfway　smiled；　it　was　a　bleak；　twisted　thing。　

〃You　don't　want　to　hear　that。〃　

〃The　hell　I　don't！〃　I　snapped。　〃I　want　to　know；　and　I　want　to　know　now。〃　

〃You're　wrong；〃　he　snapped　back。　

〃Don't　you　dare　tell　me　I'm　wrong—I'm　not　the　one　who　got　brainwashed！　Tell　me　now　whose　fault　this　
all　is；　if　it's　not　your　precious　Sam！〃　

〃You　asked　for　it；〃　he　growled　at　me；　eyes　glinting　hard。　〃If　you　want　to　blame　someone；　why　don't　you　
point　your　finger　at　those　filthy；　reeking　bloodsuckers　that　you　love　so　much？〃　

My　mouth　fell　open　and　my　breath　came　out　with　a　whooshing　sound。　I　was　frozen　in　place；　stabbed　
through　with　his　doubleedged　words。　The　pain　twisted　in　familiar　patterns　through　my　body；　the　jagged　
hole　ripping　me　open　from　the　inside　out；　but　it　was　second　place；　background　music　to　the　chaos　of　my　
thoughts。　I　couldn't　believe　that　I'd　heard　him　correctly。　There　was　no　trace　of　indecision　in　his　face。　Only　
fury。　

My　mouth　still　hung　wide。　

〃I　told　you　that　you　didn't　want　to　hear　it；〃　he　said。　

〃I　don't　understand　who　you　mean；〃　I　whispered。　

He　raised　one　eyebrow　in　disbelief。　〃I　think　you　understand　exactly　who　I　mean。　You're　not　going　to　
make　me　say　it；　are　you？　I　don't　like　hurting　you。〃　

〃I　don't　understand　who　you　mean；〃　I　repeated　mechanically。　

〃The　Cullens；〃　he　said　slowly；　drawing　out　the　word；　scrutinizing　my　face　as　he　spoke　it。　〃I　saw　that—I　
can　see　in　your　eyes　what　it　does　to　you　when　I　say　their　name。〃　

I　shook　my　head　back　and　forth　in　denial；　trying　to　clear　it　at　the　same　time。　How　did　he　know　this？　And　
how　did　it　have　anything　to　do　with　Sam's　cult？　Was　it　a　gang　of　vampirehaters？　What　was　the　point　of　
forming　such　a　society　when　no　vampires　lived　in　Forks　anymore？　Why　would　Jacob　start　believing　the　
stories　about　the　Cullens　now；　when　the　evidence　of　them　was　long　gone；　never　to　return？　

It　took　me　too　long　to　e　up　with　the　correct　response。　〃Don't　tell　me　you're　listening　to　Billy's　
superstitious　nonsense　now；〃　I　said　with　a　feeble　attempt　at　mockery。　

〃He　knows　more　than　I　gave　him　credit　for。〃　

〃Be　serious；　Jacob。〃　

He　glared　at　me；　his　eyes　critical。　

〃Superstitions　aside；〃　I　said　quickly。　〃I　still　don't　see　what　you're　accusing　the。。。　Cullens〃—wince—〃of。　
They　left　more　than　half　a　year　ago。　How　can　you　blame　them　for　what　Sam　is　doing　now？〃　

〃Sam　isn't　doing　anything；　Bella。　And　I　know　they're　gone。　But　sometimes…　things　are　set　in　motion；　and　
then　it's　too　late。〃　

〃What's　set　in　motion？　What's　too　late？　What　are　you　blaming　them　for？〃　

He　was　suddenly　right　in　my　face；　his　fury　glowing　in　his　eyes。　〃For　existing；〃　he　hissed。　

I　was　surprised　and　distracted　as　the　warning　words　came　in　Edward's　voice　again；　when　I　wasn't　even　
scared。　

〃Quiet　now；　Bella。　Don't　push　him；〃　Edward　cautioned　in　my　ear。　

Ever　since　Edward's　name　had　broken　through　the　careful　walls　I'd　buried　it　behind；　I'd　been　unable　to　
lock　it　up　again。　It　didn't　hurt　now—not　during　the　precious　seconds　when　I　could　hear　his　voice。　

Jacob　was　fuming　in　front　of　me；　quivering　with　anger。　

I　didn't　understand　why　the　Edward　delusion　was　unexpectedly　in　my　mind。　Jacob　was　livid；　but　he　was　
Jacob。　There　was　no　adrenaline；　no　danger。　

〃Give　him　a　chance　to　calm　down；〃　Edwa