5 midnight sun午夜阳光- 第6部分

pleasant　to　think　of　myself　that　way　again。　I　d　never　doubted　my　courage；　my　ability　to　face　difficulty；　before　that　horrible　hour　in　a　high　school　biology　class　such　a　short　time　ago。　I　kissed　her　cheek；　pulling　back　swiftly　when　she　twisted　her　face　toward　mine；　her　lips　already　puckered。　She　smiled　ruefully　at　my　quickness。　Thank　you；　Tanya。　I　needed　to　hear　that。　Her　thoughts　turned　petulant。　You　re　wele；　I　guess。　I　wish　you　would　be　more　reasonable　about　things；　Edward。　I　m　sorry；　Tanya。　You　know　you　re　too　good　for　me。　I　just　haven　t　found　what　I　m　looking　for　yet。　Well；　if　you　leave　before　I　see　you　again　goodbye；　Edward。　Goodbye；　Tanya。　As　I　said　the　words；　I　could　see　it。　I　could　see　myself　leaving。　Being　strong　enough　to　go　back　to　the　one　place　where　I　wanted　to　be。　Thanks　again。　She　was　on　her　feet　in　one　nimble　move；　and　then　she　was　running　away；　ghosting　across　the　snow　so　quickly　that　her　feet　had　no　time　to　sink　into　the　snow；　she　left　no　prints　behind　her。　She　didn　t　look　back。　My　rejection　bothered　her　more　than　she　d　let　on　before；　even　in　her　thoughts。　She　wouldn　t　want　to　see　me　again　before　I　left。　My　mouth　twisted　with　chagrin。　I　didn　t　like　hurting　Tanya；　though　her　feelings　were　not　deep；　hardly　pure；　and；　in　any　case；　not　something　I　could　return。　It　still　made　me　feel　less　than　a　gentleman。　I　put　my　chin　on　my　knees　and　stared　up　at　the　stars　again；　though　I　was　suddenly　anxious　to　be　on　my　way。　I　knew　that　Alice　would　see　me　ing　home；　that　she　would　tell　the　others。　This　would　make　them　happy　Carlisle　and　Esme　especially。　But　I　gazed　at　the　stars　for　one　more　moment；　trying　to　see　past　the　face　in　my　head。　Between　me　and　the　brilliant　lights　in　the　sky；　a　pair　of　bewildered　chocolatebrown　eyes　stared　back　at　me；　seeming　to　ask　what　this　decision　would　mean　for　her。　Of　course；　I　couldn　t　be　sure　if　that　was　really　the　information　her　curious　eyes　sought。　Even　in　my　imagination；　I　couldn　t　hear　her　thoughts。　Bella　Swan　s　eyes　continued　to　question；　and　an　unobstructed　view　of　the　stars　continued　to　elude　me。　With　a　heavy　sigh；　I　gave　up；　and　got　to　my　feet。　If　I　ran；　I　would　be　back　to　Carlisle　s　car　in　less　than　an　hour　In　a　hurry　to　see　my　family　and　wanting　very　much　to　be　the　Edward　that　faced　things　head　on　I　raced　across　the　starlit　snowfield；　leaving　no　footprints。　It　s　going　to　be　okay；　Alice　breathed。　Her　eyes　were　unfocused；　and　Jasper　had　one　hand　lightly　under　her　elbow；　guiding　her　forward　as　we　walked　into　the　rundown　cafeteria　in　a　close　group。　Rosalie　and　Emmett　led　the　way；　Emmett　looking　ridiculously　like　a　bodyguard　in　the　middle　of　hostile　territory。　Rose　looked　wary；　too；　but　much　more　irritated　than　protective。　Of　course　it　is；　I　grumbled。　Their　behavior　was　ludicrous。　If　I　wasn　t　positive　that　I　could　handle　this　moment；　I　would　have　stayed　home。　The　sudden　shift　from　our　normal；　even　playful　morning　it　had　snowed　in　the　night；　and　Emmett　and　Jasper　were　not　above　taking　advantage　of　my　distraction　to　bombard　me　with　slushballs；　when　they　got　bored　with　my　lack　of　response；　they　d　turned　on　each　other　to　this　overdone　vigilance　would　have　been　ical　if　it　weren　t　so

irritating。　She　s　not　here　yet；　but　the　way　she　s　going　to　e　in　she　won　t　be　downwind　if　we　sit　in　our　regular　spot。　Of　course　we　ll　sit　in　our　regular　spot。　nerves。　I　ll　be　absolutely　fine。　Stop　it；　Alice。　You　re　getting　on　my　She　blinked　once　as　Jasper　helped　her　into　her　seat；　and　her　eyes　finally　focused　on　my　face。　Hmm；　she　said；　sounding　surprised。　Of　course　I　am；　I　muttered。　I　hated　being　the　focus　of　their　concern。　I　felt　a　sudden　sympathy　for　Jasper；　remembering　all　the　times　we　d　hovered　protectively　over　him。　He　met　my　glance　briefly；　and　grinned。　Annoying；　isn　t　it？　I　grimaced　at　him。　Was　it　just　last　week　that　this　long；　drab　room　had　seemed　so　killingly　dull　to　me？　That　it　had　seemed　almost　like　sleep；　like　a　a；　to　be　here？　Today　my　nerves　were　stretched　tight　piano　wires；　tensed　to　sing　at　the　lightest　pressure。　My　senses　were　hyperalert；　I　scanned　every　sound；　every　sight；　every　movement　of　the　air　that　touched　my　skin；　every　thought。　Especially　the　thoughts。　There　was　only　one　sense　that　I　kept　locked　down；　refused　to　use。　Smell；　of　course。　I　didn　t　breathe。　I　was　expecting　to　hear　more　about　the　Cullens　in　the　thoughts　that　I　sifted　through。　All　day　I　d　been　waiting；　searching　for　whichever　new　acquaintance　Bella　Swan　might　have　confided　in；　trying　to　see　the　direction　the　new　gossip　would　take。　But　there　was　nothing。　No　one　noticed　the　five　vampires　in　the　cafeteria；　just　the　same　as　before　the　new　girl　had　e。　Several　of　the　humans　here　were　still　thinking　of　that　girl；　still　thinking　the　same　thoughts　from　last　week。　Instead　of　finding　this　unutterably　boring；　I　was　now　fascinated。　Had　she　said　nothing　to　anyone　about　me？　There　was　no　way　that　she　had　not　noticed　my　black；　murderous　glare。　I　had　seen　her　react　to　it。　Surely；　I　d　scared　her　silly。　I　had　been　convinced　that　she　would　have　mentioned　it　to　someone；　maybe　even　exaggerated　the　story　a　bit　to　make　it　better。　Given　me　a　few　menacing　lines。　And　then；　she　d　also　heard　me　trying　to　get　out　of　our　shared　biology　class。　She　must　have　wondered；　after　seeing　my　expression；　whether　she　were　the　cause。　A　normal　girl　would　have　asked　around；　pared　her　experience　to　others；　looked　for　mon　ground　that　would　explain　my　behavior　so　she　didn　t　feel　singled　out。　Humans　were　constantly　desperate　to　feel　normal；　to　fit　in。　To　blend　in　with　everyone　else　around　them；　like　a　featureless　flock　of　sheep。　The　need　was　particularly　strong　during　the　insecure　adolescent　years。　This　girl　would　be　no　exception　to　that　rule。　But　no　one　at　all　took　any　notice　of　us　sitting　here；　at　our　normal　table。　Bella　must　be　exceptionally　shy；　if　she　d　confided　in　no　one。　Perhaps　she　had　spoken　to　I　think　you　re　right。

her　father；　maybe　that　was　the　strongest　relationship　though　that　seemed　unlikely；　given　the　fact　that　she　had　spent　so　little　time　with　him　throughout　her　life。　She　would　be　closer　to　her　mother。　Still；　I　would　have　to　pass　by　Chief　Swan　sometime　soon　and　listen　to　what　he　was　thinking。　Anything　new？　Jasper　asked。　Nothing。　She　must　not　have　said　anything。　All　of　them　raised　an　eyebrow　at　this　news。　Maybe　you　re　not　as　scary　as　you　think　you　are；　Emmett　said；　chuckling。　I　could　have　frightened　her　better　than　that。　I　rolled　my　eyes　at　him。　Wonder　why　？　silence。　He　puzzled　again　over　my　revelation　about　the　girl　s　unique　I　don　t　know。　I　felt　my　body　go　rigid。　Try　to　look　I　bet　We　ve　been　over　that。　She　s　ing　in；　Alice　murmured　then。　human。　Human；　you　say？　Emmett　asked。　He　held　up　his　right　fist；　twisting　his　fingers　to　reveal　the　snowball　he　d　saved　in　his　palm。　Of　course　it　had　not　melted　there。　He　d　squeezed　it　into　a　lumpy　block　of　ice。　He　had　his　eyes　on　Jasper；　but　I　saw　the　direction　of　his　thoughts。　So　did　Alice；　of　course。　When　he　abruptly　hurled　the　ice　chunk　at　her；　she　flicked　it　away　with　a　casual　flutter　of　her　fingers。　The　ice　ricocheted　across　the　length　of　the　cafeteria；　too　fast　to　be　visible　to　human　eyes；　and　shattered　with　a　sharp　crack　against　the　brick　wall。　The　brick　cracked；　too。　The　heads　in　that　corner　of　the　room　all　turned　to　stare　at　the　pile　of　broken　ice　on　the　floor；　and　then　swiveled　to　find　the　culprit。　They　didn　t　look　further　than　a　few　tables　away。　No　one　looked　at　us。　Very　human；　Emmett；　Rosalie　said　scathingly。　wall　while　you　re　at　it？　Why　don　t　you　punch　through　the　It　would　look　more　impressive　if　you　did　it；　baby。　I　tried　to　pay　attention　to　them；　keeping　a　grin　fixed　on　my　face　like　I　was　part　of　their　banter。　I　did　not　allow　myself　to　look　toward　the　line　where　I　knew　she　was　standing。　But　that　was　all　that　I　was　listening　to。　I　could　hear　Jessica　s　impatience　with　the　new　girl；　who　seemed　to　be　distracted；　too；　standing　motionless　in　the　moving　line。　I　saw；　in　Jessica　s　thoughts；　that　Bella　Swan　s　cheeks　were　once　more　colored　bright　pink　with　blood。　I　pulled　in　short；　shallow　breaths；　ready　to　quit　breathing　if　any　hint　of　her　scent　touched　the　air　near　me。　Mike　Newton　was　with　the　two　girls。　I　heard　both　his　voices；　mental　and　verbal；　when　he　asked　Jessica　what　was　wrong　with　the　Swan　girl。　I　didn　t　like　the　way　his　thoughts　wrapped　around　her；　the　flicker　of　already　established　fantasies　that　clouded　his　mind　while　he　watched　her　start　and　look　up　from　her　reverie　like

she　d　forgotten　he　was　there。　Nothing；　I　heard　Bella　say　in　that　quiet；　clear　voice。　It　seemed　to　ring　like　a　bell　over　the　babble　in　the　cafeteria；　but　I　knew　that　was　just　because　I　was　listening　for　it　so　intently。　I　ll　just　get　a　soda　today；　she　continued　as　she　moved　to　catch　up　with　the　line。　I　couldn　t　help　flickering　one　glance　in　her　direction。　She　was　staring　at　the　floor；　the　blood　slowly　fading　from　her　face。　I　looked　away　quickly；　to　Emmett；　who　laughed　at　the　now　painedlooking　smile　on　my　face。　You　look　sick；　bro。　I　rearranged　my　features　so　the　expression　would　seem　casual　and　effortless。　Jessica　was　wondering　aloud　about　the　girl　s　lack　of　appetite。　hungry？　Actually；　I　feel　a　little　sick。　Aren　t　you　Her　voice　was　lower；　but　still　very　clear。　Why　did　it　bother　me；　the　protective　concern　that　suddenly　emanated　from　Mike　Newton　s　thoughts？　What　did　it　matter　that　there　was　a　possessive　edge　to　them？　It　wasn　t　my　business　if　Mike　Newton　felt　unnecessarily　anxious　for　her。　Perhaps　this　was　the　way　everyone　responded　to　her。　Hadn　t　I　wanted；　instinctively；　to　protect　her；　too？　Before　I　d　wanted　to　kill　her；　that　is　But　was　the　girl　ill？　It　was　hard　to　judge　she　looked　so　delicate　with　her　translucent　skin　Then　I　realized　that　I　was　worrying；　too；　just　like　that　dimwitted　boy；　and　I　forced　myself　not　to　think　about　her　health。　Regardless；　I　didn　t　like　monitoring　her　through　Mike　s　thoughts。　I　switched　to　Jessica　s；　watching　carefully　as　the　three　of　them　chose　which　table　to　sit　at。　Fortunately；　they　sat　with　Jessica　s　usual　panions；　at　one　of　the　first　tables　in　the　room。　Not　downwind；　just　as　Alice　had　promised。　Alice　elbowed　me。　She　s　going　to　look　soon；　act　human。　I　clenched　my　teeth　behind　my　grin。　Ease　up；　Edward；　Emmett　said。　the　end　of　the　world。　You　would　know；　I　murmured。　Emmett　laughed。　You　ve　got　to　learn　to　get　over　things。　a　long